The Loss of a Loved One

About a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS affects about 7% of all women. It is the leading cause of infertility among women and studies show that it seems to have a connection with cervical cancer. It affects a woman's fertility, menstrual cycle, hormones, insulin production, heart, blood vessels, and appearance. Symptoms include: cysts on ovaries, infrequent or no menstrual periods, inability to get pregnant due to a lack of ovulation, oily skin, acne, obesity (between 200-300 pounds), high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and high testerone which results in certain male features such as excessive hair on arms and face, but thinning hair or balding on the scalp. Now before you start guessing, let me state that I do NOT have all of these symtoms (Praise the Lord)! There is no known cause of PCOS and there is currently no cure.
I was diagnosed after several months of blood work and three ultrasounds. Almost all PCOS patients are largely overweight, which is one of the reasons why it took so long for me to be diagnosed. Even now, when I see a new doctor, they want to see my lab work because I do not look like the typical PCOS woman. Unfortunately, I do have some of the negative symptoms such as the inability to get pregnant because I do not ovulate. Infertiltiy is by far the worst part of PCOS. It is extremely difficult for most PCOS women to get pregnant, and if one does conceive, she has a 50% chance of miscarriage.
The womanly instinct in me most certainly wants to be a mother! It has been a dream of mine since I was a child. Even in my early teen years I began reading books about parenting because I wanted to prepare myself.
I had a great "team" of doctors in Michigan - my family doctor, endocronologist (hormone doctor), OB and fertility doctor. I also had great insurance. These doctors took great care of me and every single month, when I didn't have a period, I was sent to the lab to check my hormone levels. On top of having PCOS I have a messed up thyroid that doesn't like to produce hormones. Every month they check to see if I am pregnant. They need to make sure I am not in order to put me on a new round of medications. The medicine I take would induce an abortion or cause severe birth defects if taken when pregnant. I also use ovulation sticks to monitor my cycle as well as take my morning temperature. I have never once had a positive ovulation test. For those of you who understand reproduction, you would know that to get pregnant, you have to ovulate. After several months of taking medicine to have a period, and not having one, and taking medicine to make me ovulate, and not ovulating, my fertility doctor met with me. This meeting was on August 16th - Ben was already in Kentucky. At that appointment my doctor confirmed that if I hope to get pregnant someday I would need to seriously consider invitro fertiltization (IVF) because he didn't think the other treatments were going to help me. At this point in our life, for various reasons, IVF is not an option. So I left the office with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. On August 29th I went in for my routine blood work. The next day I heard the results of the test - "DON'T take your meds - YOU'RE PREGNANT!" I can't tell you how excited I was!!!! I know that everybody is excited when you first find out your pregnant, but imagine the excitement you would feel if you found out you were pregnant just two weeks after your doctor said you couldn't get pregnant!!!
The day I found out I was pregnant was the last day I was insured, but I didn't care. I was too happy to worry about it. I waited until that weekend to tell Ben because I wanted to tell him face to face. I came up with a creative way to break the news to him. He was totally surprised!
I knew going in to this pregnancy that I was considered "high risk" and had a huge chance of losing the baby. We prayed and trusted God to do what was best and give us grace.
This last weekend I started bleeding. Keep in mind, I have no doctor, no insurance. I waited as long as I could before going into the ER. They immediately did an ultrasound and could not find the baby. At 7 or 8 weeks pregnant, the baby should have been visible. They ran some blood work and the results were not good. I spent the entire day in the hospital and half a day at the clinic today. This morning it was confirmed that we did in fact lose our first baby. I cannot tell you how hard it is to lose something you want so desperately. The first few days were extremely difficult, but we are doing much better now. I should find out Sunday if I have to have a D&C.
Although this is somewhat of a unique post, and not the most enjoyable, I wanted to get the information out there. Please pray for us. We are trusting that God has a purpose in this and that it is all for our good and His glory.
I would imagine that there is somebody out there who is suffering from PCOS. If you are, and would like more information, please let me know. I have done a ton of research since being diagnosed. I know that people have questions, and I am fine with answering them.
In the meantime, Ben and I will be praying and trusting the Lord to give us children in His timing so that we can train the next generation to love and serve Him.