Love and Respect

Edmund Burke once said, "Reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting." I have spent the last several weeks reflecting on what I have learned in the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.

Ephesians 5:33 says, "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Eggerichs uses the simple truth of this passage to explain his theory which he calls the "Love and Respect Connection." He believes that a wife desires love from her husband and a husband desperately needs respect from his wife.

Throughout the book Eggerichs makes mention of the "Crazy Cycle." According to the author, every couple experiences the Crazy Cycle to some degree or another. Simply stated, the Crazy Cycle is this: without love from him, she reacts without respect; without respect from her, he reacts without love. Do you get the picture? On and on the cycle spins. The first step in getting off this crazy thing is to realize you are on it!

Eggerichs goes into great detail to describe how a woman can show respect to her husband and how a man can show love to his wife. He uses an acronym to describe each. In chapter 15 he uses C-H-A-I-R-S to spell respect to your husband.

Conquest - appreciate his desire to work and achieve
Hierarchy - appreciate his desire to protect and provide
Authority - appreciate his desire to serve and to lead
Insight - appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
Relationship - appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
Sexuality - appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy

If you think about it, it is quite natural for a woman to show love. God created us to be compassionate, loving, caring people. It is generally easy for a woman to love. But according to hundreds of men who have been surveyed, when asked which they would rather live without -love or respect - a huge majority of them chose to live without love. It may be easiest for me to show love, but is that what my husband needs most? I think it is hard for women to show respect, yet this is what our men need. Eggerichs suggests that a wife should, without warning or explaination, tell her husband what she respects about him. He even encourages wives to say "I respect you" in place of "I love you." Obviously it is good to express love - and we ought to continue to do so. The goal however, is to show respect intermingled with that love.

There are many other great ideas in this book - but I'll leave that for you to discover on your own.