This morning in Sunday school, Ben and I listened to the teacher discuss marital relationships and meeting the needs of your spouse. Though the man never mentioned Willard Harley, Jr., I immediately thought about his book, His Needs, Her Needs. If time is your enemy and you do not have the time to do a lot of reading, I would encourage you to read I Cherish You which is a very short book (88 pages) and includes "words of wisdom from His Needs, Her Needs."
I remember being a little surprised the first time I read this book. A man certainly does not have the same needs as a woman! I think all too often women are unwilling to meet their husband's needs until their own needs are first met. Although this is selfish, immature, and ungodly, I do believe it is quite common. Afterall, it is understandable that a woman might say to herself, "If he isn't willing to meet my needs, I am not going out of my way to meet his." Even though this might be understandable, it certainly doesn't mean it is right. In fact, if you think about it, it is quite manipulative. Refusing to meet the needs of your spouse will only put you on the "Crazy Cycle" as I have learned in another book I am currently reading - which I will post about when I am finished.
Because most of the people that read this blog are women, I am only going to discuss the basic needs of a man. I think that we as women are often tempted to focus on ourselves - our needs, -our desires - which prevents us from truly looking at the needs of our man. If I list out the basic needs of a woman, I fear that we might nodd in an agreement and take that information to our husbands to show him what he is doing wrong. Instead, we need to concentrate on how we can satisfy our husbands and take THAT information to him as we apply it to our marriage. If you're a man reading this post, and you are curious about the basic needs of a woman, leave me a comment or send me an email and I'll let you know what Mr. Willard Harley has to say.
The Five Basic Needs of a Man: (according to Willard F. Harley, Jr.)
1. Sexual Fulfillment - Your husband trusts you to meet his sexual need.
2. Recreational Companionship - He needs his wife to be his playmate.
3. An Attractive Spouse - He needs a good-looking wife.
4. Domestic Support - He needs peace and quiet.
5. Admiration - He needs her to be proud of him.
If you don't like this list, or don't agree with it - don't get mad at me. I didn't write it. But I have to say that in my experience, and according to my husband, this list is pretty accurate. So the challenge for all of us, myself included is to satisfy our husband's desires, watch football with him (even if we could care less), take care of ourselves physically (and don't forget inward beauty!!!), make our home a place of refuge and joy, and praise our husbands as show in both word and deed that we adore him!
14 comments:
Thank you so much for this post! This was very informative, and I'm going to try to be a better wife. :) I didn't know those things, nor have I read any books on marriages, as most of us as Christians don't feel like we have marital problems, but there's always room for improvement. Especially after reading this! I feel guilty! :) I'm going to try and pick up those books to read in my spare time. Thanks Kelly!
Traci,
I am glad you have been encouraged. You're right - we all have room for improvement. I started reading books on marriage years before I got married because I came from a broken home and new I wanted something different for my family. I have learned a lot from observing godly women like Nancy Lunney & Norma Saunders and from reading good books. If you find a good book - let me know. I'm always looking for a new one to read. :)
Kelly this is such a great post! It's also important to remember how to be specific in these needs. Like for example my husband, I would put on make up and try to dress up and he wouldn't say anything. I had heard about being an attractive wife and not letting yourself go and everything. Well it turns out my husband likes it best when I look comfortable, with no make-up. He would never tell me I couldn't wear make-up or anything but when I want to look special for him I wear comfortable things. Other men may be different but it is important to pay attention to what our husbands actually want...not what we THINK they want.
Jenny,
That's true. Every man is different. For example, women tend to think that the super skinny, bony look is attractive, but most men find that look rather gross. It is important to know specifically what your particular husband finds attractive. Sometimes when I am down on myself for how I look on a particular day, Ben reminds me that he finds me attractive - regardless of how I feel. This is what matters.
As a man who has been married for almost 38 years, I think that this is a pretty good list.
Kelly,
I just wanted to let you know that i will be updating my blog very shortly. So keep me on your links.
Thanks
What a great punch to the stomach! Thanks for the reminder to look to our hubby's needs before our own. That's truly Christ-like love. What I love is when God gives me more of a desire to see Matt happy than to even think about my own needs. That is true enjoyment!
I've been wanting to read the book, thanks for the recommendation!
Kelly-
There is a gal who graduated from MBBC. She and her husband are heading down to Southern Seminary in January. I know that they could use another couple to chat with.
AMY
Amy,
You know me - I'm always up for chatting! Do they know anybody down here?
Kelly-
I don't think that they know anyone down there. She is really involved in the children's ministry at their church. I will let you know more later on.
AMY
What a good reminder! Thanks!
SEE other people like MBBC
Mj's blog is updated
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