Friday, June 03, 2011
I have forgotten what it is like to sit outside on a nice day and read a book. I don't know what "free time" is and I cannot comprehend the feeling of being "bored." My days are full to the max and some times I have to choose between mopping the floors or getting groceries because it just doesn't seem possible to get them both done on the same day. Getting out the door can take a ridiculous amount of time as I try to pack everything I may need for every member of the family. Which of course makes me wonder how people without young children have any reason to be late. If all I had to do was get myself ready I'd be out the door in 30 minutes flat.
I can clean the same room a half a dozen times a day and can't even begin to guess how many times I say, "No", "Stop whining" or, "Be patient. I'll be there in a second." Training a difficult toddler who LOVES to instigate and irritate and a little boy who overreacts and has a short fuse sometimes can be frustrating for a tired Mama.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed with trying to prepare a weekly menu for my family, stay current on sales and coupons, keep up with laundry, research homeschooling curriculum, make decisions for my family regarding immunizations, eating natural foods and the like, as well as keep a clean house, potty train, discipline my children, teach them, read to them, and share God's love and grace with them. Oh and of course there's the other battles like trying to get my 21 month old to keep her clothes on and stop climbing on everything. Yes, it's overwhelming. Oh, and don't let me forget that I have another child on the way and sometime between now and the next 8 weeks I need to prepare for that. I suppose it's time to pull out BabyWise and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way to refresh my memory. Maybe I'll just wing it this time.
I never thought having one child was hard, even when that's all I had. I even worked then and took him with me. I didn't think it was hard to have two 15 month olds when I had my nanny job. It wasn't even bad having two two year olds when Aubrey was born. But right now, as my daughter is screaming while I type, I am tired.
I honestly believe it would be easier to drop my kids off somewhere while I went to work all day. Nobody would be home to mess up the house, I wouldn't have to deal with the constant sibling rivalry, I could talk to other adults, finances wouldn't be so tight, I wouldn't have to listen to screaming, crying, whining, etc. all day. I know that working outside the home is difficult. But I firmly believe being a stay at home Mom is the most difficult job there is. So is this job glorious? Not that way I've described it - but it really is. Even while Aubrey continues to throw a fit because she's not getting her way I am reminded that I am called to "be a keeper at home." And while I may be overwhelmed some days I am still convinced that I have no higher calling and that God has not equipped anyone else to better raise and train the children He has given me. This "job" forces me to depend on God's grace like I've never had to before. I am thankful to be where I am, even on the difficult days.