Advent

Since my kids are getting older I wanted to do something with them to celebrate Advent. I've never done anything for Advent before but I had an idea of what I wanted our activities leading up to the birth of Christ to look like. I wanted to do something each day starting on December 1 all the way until December 25 that would point my children to Jesus. I began asking friends and searching on line for ideas.

I was disappointed when I realized that most Advent activities I found had no real spiritual significance to them. There was nothing wrong with these activities. But I wasn't interested in assigning days to bake cookies, make Christmas ornaments, drive around and look at lights and sing Christmas carols. We do those things anyway. I wanted to do something that would help my my children anticipate the coming of Christ, not the coming of presents on Christmas morning.

My friend, Shyla, found a reading schedule that she shared with me. Using the Jesus Storybook Bible (one of our favorites) we began reading on December 1. We started with creation. We have continued to read a story each day and on Christmas morning we will finish our Advent celebrations with the story of the birth of Christ. After we do our reading we hang an ornament on our tree that coincides with the story. For example, the day we read about the fall of mankind, we hung a fruit tree on our Christmas tree. The day we read about Daniel, we hung a lion on our tree. The kids take turns hanging the ornaments on the tree and throughout the day they will look at those ornaments and begin to retell the story.

What is the point of this? I don't just want my children to know that Jesus was born. I want them to know why. Why was He born? What did He come to do? Why did He have to come? Every story we read, yes even those stories in the Old Testament, point to Jesus. Every story "whispers His name." So when we read about the Tower of Babel we explain that though they tried, the people could never reach Heaven or God. God would have to come down to them. And He does, through Jesus. When we read about God's promise to Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son in their old age we share that God would one day send another son to another woman who was a virgin. Just like Isaac brought laughter to Sarah, Jesus would bring laughter to the whole world. Just like Isaac carried wood on his back up a hill for his father Abraham to sacrifice him, one day Jesus would climb another hill carrying a wooden cross on His back. And he too would trust His Father, God, and die for the sins of the world. Every story, every single one, points to Jesus. And so as we begin with creation and read about Noah's Ark, Abraham and Isaac, Moses and the Red Sea, David and Goliath, Jonah and many others, our children see that Jesus is in fact part of every story. Every story points to Him. On Christmas morning it's not enough for my kids to know that Jesus was born. I want them to know why He was born. That's what I want Advent to be about!

Aubrey hanging a picture of the Ten Commandments on the tree

My Job as "Mom"

I have forgotten what it is like to sit outside on a nice day and read a book. I don't know what "free time" is and I cannot comprehend the feeling of being "bored." My days are full to the max and some times I have to choose between mopping the floors or getting groceries because it just doesn't seem possible to get them both done on the same day. Getting out the door can take a ridiculous amount of time as I try to pack everything I may need for every member of the family. Which of course makes me wonder how people without young children have any reason to be late. If all I had to do was get myself ready I'd be out the door in 30 minutes flat.

I can clean the same room a half a dozen times a day and can't even begin to guess how many times I say, "No", "Stop whining" or, "Be patient. I'll be there in a second." Training a difficult toddler who LOVES to instigate and irritate and a little boy who overreacts and has a short fuse sometimes can be frustrating for a tired Mama.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed with trying to prepare a weekly menu for my family, stay current on sales and coupons, keep up with laundry, research homeschooling curriculum, make decisions for my family regarding immunizations, eating natural foods and the like, as well as keep a clean house, potty train, discipline my children, teach them, read to them, and share God's love and grace with them. Oh and of course there's the other battles like trying to get my 21 month old to keep her clothes on and stop climbing on everything. Yes, it's overwhelming. Oh, and don't let me forget that I have another child on the way and sometime between now and the next 8 weeks I need to prepare for that. I suppose it's time to pull out BabyWise and Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way to refresh my memory. Maybe I'll just wing it this time.

I never thought having one child was hard, even when that's all I had. I even worked then and took him with me. I didn't think it was hard to have two 15 month olds when I had my nanny job. It wasn't even bad having two two year olds when Aubrey was born. But right now, as my daughter is screaming while I type, I am tired.

I honestly believe it would be easier to drop my kids off somewhere while I went to work all day. Nobody would be home to mess up the house, I wouldn't have to deal with the constant sibling rivalry, I could talk to other adults, finances wouldn't be so tight, I wouldn't have to listen to screaming, crying, whining, etc. all day. I know that working outside the home is difficult. But I firmly believe being a stay at home Mom is the most difficult job there is. So is this job glorious? Not that way I've described it - but it really is. Even while Aubrey continues to throw a fit because she's not getting her way I am reminded that I am called to "be a keeper at home." And while I may be overwhelmed some days I am still convinced that I have no higher calling and that God has not equipped anyone else to better raise and train the children He has given me. This "job" forces me to depend on God's grace like I've never had to before. I am thankful to be where I am, even on the difficult days.

It's What a Good Dad Does

Owen loves playing with tools. Perhaps it is because he sees Daddy working with his tools. My son thinks his play set is just as important and useful as the real thing and Ben lets him think so. The other night Ben was on the back patio working on the grill. Owen grabbed his tool box and headed out the door to help him. After a few minutes he was too cold to stay out any longer so he grabbed his tool box and came back indoors. Just before shutting the door behind him he looked back at Ben and said, "Daddy, if you need my tools, just let me know." Ben replied, "Ok! Thanks, son!"

Now that Aubrey is sleeping in the bottom bunk we are not using the toddler bed. As Ben was taking it apart Owen jumped right in to help, even offering his tools. And Ben used Owen's tools - because he's a good dad - and it made Owen feel very special!

Doing what Daddy does . . .

. . . just because he's Daddy.

My Children's Dad

Before I was married I had a list of qualities that I wanted in my future husband. One of the things that was very important to me was that my spouse be a good father. Obviously it's hard to know for sure what kind of a daddy a man is going to be until he is, in fact, a daddy. But when Ben and I were dating I saw him around other children: kids at church, children I babysat, my little cousins and his students. Kids are naturally drawn to him and he is great with them. Even Will, the boy I now nanny, loves Ben. Our niece and nephews adore him. We still laugh about the time we went back to Michigan for a short visit after we had moved to Kentucky. We walked up toward the door and my nephew, Cole (then about 3 years old), came running outside. I knelt down on the narrow sidewalk with my arms opened wide expecting Cole to run into them. Instead, he totally side swiped me (without even so much as a glance!) and ran to Ben screaming, "UNCLE BEN! UNCLE BEN!" Kids love Ben. But it's not because he's handing out treats and gifts. It's not because he lets them act up and be naughty. It's not because he indulges them. I really think it's because he spends time with them. That's it. Time. He plays with the kids, talks to them and shows an interest in them. And I firmly believe that those actions alone speak volumes to children. I think it makes them feel special and loved. Often when we get together with a group of friends or family Ben can be found out back playing catch with a child, chasing a child or making up a game to play. Don't get me wrong, he spends time with the adults too, but he always seems to find some time to spend with the younger ones.

Now that we have two children of our own, I cannot fully express how grateful I am that my husband invests his TIME and energy into our kids.

Yesterday, our friend David taught our Sunday school class. This wasn't the point of his lesson, but in passing he made a comment about how fathers should be spending time with their kids. And immediately I thought, "I am so thankful Ben does that!" Some of us have more money that others. Some have more resources. But we are all given the same amount of hours in a day and it is up to us to decide what to do with those hours. What we do with those hours reveals what we treasure and what our priorities are.

With that in mind, it is obvious to me that Ben treasures our family and that it is his priority. He has always done a great job of carving out slots of time for our kids. Even in the midst of a crazy school semester and a full time job he always found time to spend with our children. He does not always have enough time to watch T.V, play video games, hang out with friends, or Facebook (he is one of the few left standing without a Facebook account!). He doesn't exercise as much as he would prefer. However, he always finds time to read books, play board games, throw a ball, take a quick swim in the pool, play cars and sit and tell stories to our kids. Now that the semester is over he does have more time and we are loving it! Though he still won't make time for Facebook. (I could learn a thing or two from him.)

If God were to take me from this earth tomorrow, there is no doubt in my mind that Ben could raise our two kids on his own. He's very capable. He changes diapers, gives baths, feeds, plays, puts to bed, dresses - he does it all. I never feel like I have to facilitate activities he does with the kids. He's very comfortable spending a day alone with Aubrey or planning fun things for he and Owen to do together. They go to the zoo, they go golfing, they go swimming, they go shopping and they do it without me. And I love that! Of course we love family time too - that goes without saying. But I think it's so important for Dads to have that one-on-one time with their kids. I trust and pray that my children will grow up to be confident and secure with a strong tie to home because of the relationships we have established in our little family.

Thank you, Ben, for being such a wonderful father to our children! We love you! And please don't be embarrassed that I am bragging about you on my blog. I bet your parents will enjoy reading about what a great man they have raised!

Sponge

Tonight I was reading The Big Picture Story Bible to Owen before bedtime. I opened the book to where the bookmark was. The last story read was the one about Jesus dying on the cross. I reminded Owen of the story and he said, "Yes, Mama, Jesus died." Then he threw his arms up in the air and he continued, "BUT . . . HE CAME BACK ALIVE! He's alive!"

I can only assume that Owen is remembering the story from the last time we read it. And if you read my previous post you'll notice that we read through one children's Bible and then read through a different one. Then we come back to the first. We read the books in order because both of them start with creation. I say all that to say this, to my amazement, Owen REMEMBERS. He is listening when we read. He is paying attention. He does not yet have the understanding, but he is gaining the knowledge.

Wow. What an incredible responsibility I have to teach my son the truths of God's Word. My time with him is so short. There is so much I want him to learn. I love this little boy so much and with all my heart I hope and pray that he will give his life to Jesus. The Lord has really been convicting me lately to redeem the time. I do not have many years with my children while they are young and under my care. I must be a good steward of this time I have!

For Parents

Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

"Many parenting books are based on hit-or-miss theories steeped in secular thinking. This one draws from Pastor Tripp's seasoned experience as a father-and from God's Holy Word. Grounded in the Bible's divine plan for parenting, this guide defines your goals as a parent and provides the Scriptural methods for accomplishing them."*

Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman

"Do you find yourself threatening, repeating your instructions, or raising your voice in an attempt to get your children to obey? Are you discouraged because it seems you just can not reach the heart of your child? Through personal experience and the practical application of Scripture, Ginger Plowman encourages and equips moms to reach past the outward behavior of their children and dive deeply into the issues of the heart. Her candid approach will help moms move beyond the frustrations of not knowing how to handle issues of disobedience and into a confident, well balanced approach to raising their children."*

Some books you can read once and never pick up again. Not these! I've read the first book at least three times already and I know I will be using it again. Parenting is the most important job you will ever have and yet many people never receive any training to do the job well. If you've never read a parenting book, I challenge and encourage you to pick up one of these two books. I've read many and these are two of the best! They are the best because the Bible is the foundation for all of the principles taught. They are saturated with scripture, funny stories and real life examples. Let's be intentional in our calling as mothers.

I know it's hard to find time to read, but you'd be surprised how easy and profitable it is to set aside even just 10 minutes a day to pick up a good book! You won't regret it.

* Book descriptions were taken from Christianbook.com

Riding the Potty Train

Admiring his stickers

I decided one week ago that it was time to start potty training. Originally I wanted Owen trained before Aubrey was born, but was advised not to do that because it was too much change: new baby, new bed, etc. And then I was told, "Don't do it right after the baby is born. It's too much work when you have a newborn." But when Owen started going behind the rocking chair to fill his pants I figured he was capable of using the toilet.

So, last Friday I put him in a pair of underwear and made him a potty chart to hang on the bathroom door. He loves LoVeS LOVES letters so we bought letter stickers and told him he could put a letter on his chart every time he used the potty. AND, if he pooped on the potty he got an extra big letter (larger stickers). It has proven to be the perfect motivator. He gets up in the morning and says, "Mama, I go potty. I want the letter x." And to the potty he sits and pees, and the letter x he receives! It's only been one week and he hasn't had any accidents in a few days. When I took him to church on Wednesday I told him that if he had to go potty he needed to tell his teacher (which he did and had no accidents!). So now when I remind him and say, "Owen, you need to tell Mama when you have to go potty." He replies, "Okay, Mama. Or I tell my teacher." I am so proud of him and so excited to be buying diapers for only one child!

Catechism

I'm looking for some input. Ben and I would like to purchase a catechism to use with Owen so that we can begin teaching him doctrine and Biblical truth. If we ask him, "Owen, who made you?" He quickly responds, "GOD did!" But obviously there is a lot more to learn!

I know I have a lot of great mommy-friends who are probably already using catechisms. What do you recommend? Truth and Grace Memory Book was suggested to me by one friend. Have any of you used it? I know there are lots of different books out there so any input you have would be appreciated.

A Disturbing Trip to the Playground

Today after I left work I decided to take Owen to a nearby playground that I had never been to. Upon arriving I realized that this playground was owned by a daycare center. Owen was allowed to play there, as long as I was with him, and there were several other young children (age 3 and younger) who were under the supervision of five daycare workers. It was a beautiful playground, just perfect for a child Owen’s age. The daycare itself was in a very nice building and the parents that came to pick up their children were all nicely dressed men and women who drove nice vehicles and had their kids nicely groomed. I imagine this daycare is not cheap, considering the “niceness” of everything. I was there a total of one hour, but it didn’t take that long for me to be reminded once again that I am so, So, SO thankful that God has allowed me to keep my son out of daycare! It’s no secret that I do not believe daycare is in the best interest of children. I feel badly for those families who have no other options, and there are certainly many families that are in that boat! Unfortunately there are also many families who could keep their children out of these facilities if they were willing to sacrifice: live in a smaller house, drive an older car, shop at yard sales and cut out new furniture and expensive vacations. Most of the negative feelings I have toward these daycare centers is based upon statistics, books I’ve read and things I’ve heard. But what I actually witnessed today confirmed what I already felt.

For easy reading, I’m just going to write some bullet points of those things that really bothered me today.
* Although there are benches surrounding all sides of the playground, every one of the workers sat on the same bench chatting to each other or texting on their cell phones. Therefore, even if they were to look up, they could not see three quarters of the playground.
* A few of the children did not have their shoelaces tied and kept tripping, but nobody noticed.
* One child had a verrrry dirty (and smelly!) diaper on. Of course the daycare workers aren’t going to notice that on the other side of the playground.
* Three boys kept throwing wood chips and pine cones in each other’s faces – but again nobody was there to stop them. One worker finally intervened when a little boy completely knocked another kid to the ground and the screaming began. (And yet some people think daycare is good for socializing our children!?! I’ll never understand that argument. I want my children to learn from me and their Daddy how to socialize, not from an undisciplined brat on the playground. Owen gets all the socialization he needs at our weekly story time at the library, church, play dates with our friends and regular trips to the park).
* One child hurt himself in such a way that he ended up with a huge black and blue goose egg on his forehead. I wondered how the workers were going to explain that since nobody witnessed it.
* At one point, (and this bothered me the most) I took Owen over to the swings. A little girl around 18-20 months of age followed. She pointed to the swing next to Owen’s and said, “swing.” The swings were right next to the bench where the workers were sitting. I watched as they ignored her request to swing. Finally I walked over to the women and said, “This little girl wants to swing. May I put her in the swing and push her? I’m pushing my son so it’s really not a problem.” I’m sure they have a policy that says something about not letting strangers handle the kids. One of the workers replied, “No. She doesn’t need to swing.” Then, looking at the girl the lady said, “Caroline, go play with something else.” Caroline began to cry and kept saying, “swing, swing.” The worker simply raised her voice and said, “CAROLINE! NO! Now go play!” I felt so sorry for this little girl. She just wanted someone to push her in the swing, but apparently the workers were too busy sitting on their bench. Caroline was left to herself to cry.
* One of the children was running and lost his shoe. Another, much younger, little boy (I would guess 18 months of age) picked up the shoe. He didn’t steal it, he wasn’t refusing to give it back, he simply saw it and picked it up. A worker yelled to the little boy to give back the shoe. I don’t think the little boy understood what she was saying. Irritated that she had to get up, the worker walked over and without stopping or even slowing down, she ripped the shoe out of the boy’s hand as she passed him. How rude! The toddler stood there clearly confused as to what was going on.
* The workers constantly seemed annoyed whenever they were interrupted or had to deal with a child. Two children were especially cute and they seemed to get some extra attention. But otherwise, the kids were treated like irritations.
* I was able to hear bits and pieces of the conversations going on amongst the workers. I heard one of them say, “Yeah, she’s not allowed to be alone with the kids yet, but we still let her.” Later I heard one of the women say, “I’ve just recently decided to start dating other women. I just want to see what it’s like.”

During the hour I was at the playground other parents came in with their children. It was very obvious which child was there with his Mommy and which one was there with a paid employee. Those with Mommies always had somebody watching them, cheering them on as they climbed up the ladder, encouraging them as they braved going through the tunnel for the first time, warning them to get off the slide before another little one came down, kissing them when they fell, wiping their snotty noses, giving them water when they got thirsty and making sure their little darling was having a fun, safe time at the park. And those children under the supervision of a paid employee? Well, let’s just say that they didn’t have a cheerleader on their side. They barely had anyone watching them play. Once again, you just can’t buy “Mommy Love.”
When parents arrived to pick up their daycare kids, everything seemed great. The workers smiled and the kids seemed happy. I wondered why the kids were happy. Was it because Mommy was now there? Was it because today was a typical day for them and therefore nothing to be upset about? Was this all they knew? Either way, it saddened me.
Obviously not all daycare centers are this way. And, again, I know that some families have no choice but to put their child in daycare. I know that I have a very unique situation in which the Lord allows me to work and my child gets to go with me. I am SO thankful! However, it is still true that NOBODY can love your child like you can! When I tucked my little boy into bed tonight I gave him a great big hug and kiss and had a heart full of thanksgiving. I am so thankful that I am my kid’s mom and I’m the one training him and watching him develop every day! I wouldn’t trade this job for the world!

Oh, and one more thing (for the very few of you who have read this far!) - This daycare center was a nonprofit, religious daycare.

In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms

Last week I happened to catch an interview that Dr. Dobson did with Dr. Laura Schlessinger. The broadcast caught my attention because Dr. Laura was once a feminist who never desired children. At the age of 35 she had a sudden change of heart and decided at that time that she wanted to be a mother. Although she is a best selling author and the most listened to female radio talk show host, she emphatically claims that being a mother is the best job in the world (I agree!) and she is so thankful that she changed her mind about having a family before it was too late. One thing I love about Dr. Laura, that others hate about her, is that she is straight forward and tells it like it is. She doesn't beat around the bush about anything!
I just finished her new book, In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms." Rather than try to describe the book myself, I'm copying a description I found on the Internet:

"They number in the millions and they are incredibly important to families and to our society, yet they are under appreciated, little respected, and even controversial.
Who are they?
They are the stay-at-home moms.
These are women who know in their hearts that staying home to raise their children is the right choice for the whole family. Some do it from the outset of their marriages, while others make the difficult transition from career-driven women to homemakers. Either way, it is a choice that is incredibly rich and rewarding, not to mention challenging.
Now Dr. Laura, building on principles developed during her long career as a licensed marriage and family therapist, provides a wealth of advice and support, as well as compassion and inspiration, to women as they navigate the wonders and struggles of being stay-at-home moms."

I found this book to be very encouraging as Dr. Laura emphasized over and over again how important my role is as a Mother. It is so easy in our culture, even in our churches, to underestimate the important job that we have in our homes. There is no greater priority in all the world than to mother our children! I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I'll admit, as I got older I began to wonder about the reality of it. Being in ministry and not having a lot of money, I wondered if it was possible. I remember a time when I considered using childcare so that I could work part time after the kids came. My mindset completely changed five years ago when I read another one of Dr. Laura's books, Parenthood by Proxy. Now let me tell you, THAT book is a kick in the pants! But in it she convinced me to do anything and everything possible so that I could be "my kid's mom." It's so important to me that I be the one to raise my children. I don't want to miss out on the important milestones and training opportunities. No job is more important to me. No calling is higher. Nothing in this world is more rewarding. I'm convinced of it. I've heard it said that women CAN have it all, just not all at the same time. I agree.
If you do not desire to be a stay at home mom, or you do desire it but do not think it's possible, I encourage you to read Parenthood by Proxy.

As Dr. Laura says:
"The single reason you need to be there is to convey security, warmth, creature comforts, and love, love, love, love . . . because you can hire someone to feed one end and mop up the other, but only YOU are mommy love."

I know this is a highly controversial topic and my purpose is not to offend or hurt anyone. Every parent needs to decide for their family what is best. In making that decision, there are many, many good books to give us insight. These books are two of the many.

Education Part III

Perhaps this has become an old issue since we've been gone to Florida, but I'll make a few concluding remarks nonetheless. If my posts had a single main point, it would be the one that Phil made in his comment, saying that "the most important thing to remember is that no matter which way you go parents are the most important factor in the education of their kids." Furthermore, as "Trail Rated" noted, "that each child will need to be parented, taught, and educated as an individual."

I think that one of the beautiful potentialities of home-schooling is the possibility of really tailoring education to your specific children, in a way that a classroom of 25 kids simply cannot. I like that I would control my children's school schedule - their homework would never get in the way of family time, their vacations would always match up with mine, etc. However, homeschooling would never work if the children are not good readers (I think), and are not somewhat self-motivated to learn. A parent can't lecture at their kids for 20-30 hours a week - they have to be able to get a lot of it on their own. Furthermore, I don't want their education to be pressure/grade driven, but curiosity driven. I think if kids really see what there is to be learned, their innate curiosity will move them forward; homeschooling is far more flexible in permitting this.

Despite all of these potential benefits, I know home-schooling is not for everyone, and I don't necessarily think that it would be a good thing if all Christian families did it. I'm glad we have Christian schools, and I'm glad for Christian teachers in public schools (like Chris K) who are working hard to make a difference in a difficult environment. But I would urge (someday as a pastor, Lord-willing) parents to consider their own children carefully, and not recklessly endanger their child's nascent faith on behalf of their local public school and a perceived gospel witness there; school is profoundly influential on the hearts and minds of kids, and we are not as parents accountable for the public school (an artificial entity anyway - they didn't exist until 150 years ago) but for the souls of our own kids. A child who understands their own role in the public school as that of a missionary might have an effective ministry; a child whose faith we assume, but professes no real concern for mission to his public school, may be at great risk.

I could write 50 pages on this topic. Every issue that is raised pushes back on another question that is more ultimate, so that it is difficult and complicated to get to the heart and the beginning of the issue. Anyways, I am soooo thankful to have a son of my own, to teach and discipline and play with and love.

Education - Part II

"Jack from Jersey" pointed out that I didn't really say where I stand on this issue, so I will try to lay it out. It is a delicate and difficult topic to write about; delicate, because nobody who has school-aged kids can be neutral on the issue - to take a stand on one of the three major modes (public, private, or home) is by definition to stand against other parents - often good, godly, and intelligent parents - who have chosen otherwise; it is difficult to write about because there is just so much that could be said, so many angles from which to approach the issue. I'll attempt to be brief.

Let's start by being idealistic, and work toward realistic. Idealistically, our kids would be educated by qualified, gifted, godly Christian teachers who excel in their respective academic disciplines, integrating a Christian worldview into every subject; who motivate students to learn, who appropriately discipline them when they are out of line, who model and teach what it means to live a godly life. This would take place in a school full of other kids who exert positive peer pressure on our own, with an evident spirit of Christlikeness and a shared passion for ministry; this school would offer many extracurricular activities, without imposing too significantly on a family's own time, would allow students to advance academically at their own pace,and would, best of all, be free. There could be more, but this list will do for now. I would go to great pains to send my kids to this school, although it shouldn't be that difficult, since this school is free. Realistically, however, this school does not even exist -I know of no school even close to this. Therefore, parents have to choose which of these criteria are most important, and thereby make their decision.

A few caveats before I lay out where I stand; first, money will make the decision for some people, for better or for worse. Private/Christian schools are expensive, and not all families can afford it; we certainly could not right now. I wouldn't, however, trade Christian education for my kids for a new Hummer for me. Secondly, you have to weigh the availability and quality of schools in your area. A small, rural high school (say, Fairview) would be easier for me to consider than a large urban school (say, Saginaw High). If your area doesn't have a good Christian school, then that really isn't an option either. Thirdly, if considering home-schooling, you have to consider whether you have the time, energy, or skill to teach your own kids at home. "A student will not be above his teacher," Jesus said, so if you struggled in school or find learning difficult you might be well-advised to solicit the help of an established school with credible teachers to educate your kids. Furthermore, a mother of several young kids might find it almost impossible to teach her 5-year old if she's got three younger kids running around the house. This is no small difficulty, and one I've given some thought to, without any satisfactory answers yet.

Having stated my criteria, and then my caveats, I would like to suggest that homeschooling is the best option for those who are able. I would never have said this 5 years ago, and the chance exists that, 5 years from now, when Owen is old enough to go to school, and we (hopefully) have a couple more kids, that I'll change my mind again, but I doubt it. The only thing that might possibly change my mind is the presence - in whatever town we're living in 5 years from now - of an excellent, reasonably affordable Christian school, and I'm of the opinion that such a creature is rare: if not extinct, at least endangered. There are some that are reasonably affordable, but few that are excellent, and almost never both. Public schools, despite the convenience, are fraught with enormous risks, greater than I am willing to take right now. Many great Christians have graduated from public education, and many more may in the future. But many have also made shipwreck of their faith, and the public school is a godless institution: not relatively so, but categorically and structurally so, save for the influence of some christian students and teachers, which, although not negligible, is itself structurally marginalized. This risk, which I think is undeniable, is nonetheless greatly mitigated if parents are actively and aggressively instilling biblical character and a biblical worldview in the hearts and minds of their kids at home, and if such teaching is being reinforced in the church. However, a family that neglects this kind of aggressive and purposeful spiritual formation in the home, and then sends their kids to a public school, which will pursue an aggressively secular formation in their hearts and minds, is (in my estimation) taking a reckless and foolish risk.

Well, there you have it, although I could say much more. I may make a later post on some of the things that I think are (theoretically, at least) great about homeschooling. Since the only people that will read this are friends, I want to say two things in closing. First, I'm really hoping not to offend anyone - I don't have any kids in school yet, so I'm just contemplating decisions that many of you have already had to make in reality, which is certainly more difficult. Secondly, though, I'd like to humbly and gently suggest that it is possible to make a poor decision in this matter, whichever of the options you in fact choose. Everyone does have to make their own decision, based on their location, finances, family situation, etc.; but, it doesn't follow logically from that that any decision is as good as any other. As individuals, we need to think carefully, examine the motives behind our decision-making process, and pray for wisdom. As churches, I think we need to give careful thought to how we can help families in these matters. Parents (at least those who will read this post, if anyone has made it this far) want to do right by their kids in this matter, and the church should consider how it might advise and assist.

As always, thoughts and criticisms are welcome!

Educating our Children

Kelly and I already talk occasionally about how we want to educate Owen and (Lord-willing) his future brothers and sisters. There are of course so many variables to consider, and no two families have altogether the same circumstances, but it is such an important issue that it seems like it should merit serious thought and consideration. I don't know where you're at on this issue, but I find myself very sympathetic toward this short essay by John Frame, a theology professor at Westminster Seminary. In the same way that parents - not the youth group or Sunday School - are ultimately responsible for their children's spiritual formation, so are they ultimately responsible for their children's overall education, and must decide how much a traditional school - public or private - might (or might not) help. Parents can only blame youth leaders and schools if they have themselves abdicated the responsibility for their children and handed that responsibility to someone else. Again, not every schooling option is viable for every family, but having a long-term strategy and rationale seems important to me. Comments/criticisms on the essay are welcome!

It's Worth It!

Yesterday Owen and I experienced the longest period of separation from each other ever. We were apart for 8 and a half hours. Ben had the day off so Owen stayed home while I went to work. When I walked in the door he looked up at me and started kicking his legs and waving his arms. I smiled and kissed him and then went to hang up my coat. He didn't cry as I walked away, but he had the biggest poochy lip. He looked so sad. I quickly returned, scooped him up, and laid him on my lap. He was all smiles and just full of excitement. He never seemed so happy to nurse in all his life - and I'm not even sure it was because he was hungry.
Before I had children, in fact before I even got married, I told Ben that I would make any sacrifice necessary to prevent having to put my children in daycare. Thankfully I married a man who shared this conviction. I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant on January 12 of last year. One of my concerns, however, was our financial situation. I'm sure everybody worries about it to some extent. Just a few months prior to getting pregnant, we had sold our house and moved out of state for Ben to go back to school. We were both working full time and Ben was going to school full time. How in the world could I quit working to have a baby? Doing so would cut our income by a tremendous amount when our outcome was higher than it had ever been in our married life! We prayed that God would work it out because we were convinced that it was God's will for our baby to be home with us.
I've been told that I have a strong personality. Admittedly, I am very opinionated and when I have made up my mind, it's very hard to change it. Before we had Owen I had read several books about having and raising children. Granted, experience teaches you far more than a book does, but through that reading I become stubbornly persuaded that I wanted to be home with my kids, should God give us any. I want to watch my baby taste each new food I give him for the first time. I want to be the one who teaches him manners and obedience. I want to see his eyes light up when he gets excited over a toy. I want to be the one reading him books and doing the crafts. I want to be the one teaching him God's Word. I want to be in the kitchen baking with him on a cold day. I want to be with him in the park when the sun is out. I want to be the one who cuddles him when he cries. I want to see all those smiles and hear the giggles. I even want to be the one who deals with his fussiness and changes his poopy diapers. Call me selfish, but I am this boy's mama and nobody can do a better job raising him than Ben and I. Why? Because God gave him specifically to us and is equipping us to be the best parents we can be. I don't want to share this responsibility with anybody.
Last night as I stared at Owen while I nursed him, I felt an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. I am so thankful I get to be with him. I cannot imagine having to drop him off to somebody else day in and day out. It would break my heart. I got home last night at 6:30. Owen goes to bed at 8:00. If I worked every day, I would get only an hour and a half with him each evening. That's not enough time for me to have the influence in his life that I hope to have.
Last summer, while still pregnant and somewhat unsure of how God was going to meet our needs, the school I taught at offered me a part time teaching position. I would only have to go in three days a week to teach algebra I - a class I have taught several times. It would have been a piece of cake and the pay would have been pretty good. I turned it down. I didn't want to be away from my baby that much.
Around the same time I was offered another job as a secretary. After working in this position for a few months my boss told me that she wanted me to continue working after I had the baby. Knowing I would not put my baby in daycare, she told me I could bring my baby to work. Now tell me God doesn't answer prayer! I went from working 40 hours a week to now working 24. Owen goes to work with me except when Ben is free. He has his own office in which he takes his naps and the rest of the day he is right with me. He has several toys in my office that he plays with and he even sits on my lap while I type. People ask me all the time, "Isn't that hard?" You bet!!! The older Owen gets the harder it becomes. You try answering a telephone call with a crying baby while trying to look professional. It's tricky. Last week I had to excuse myself from a staff meeting because Owen had a blowout during the meeting - which everyone heard and smelled! It can be a little humbling having to lock your office door to breastfeed while someone is on the other side knocking. And of course it's embarrassing when he throws a fit and I have to excuse myself so as to not bother everyone else who is trying to get some work done. You're probably wondering if coworkers get annoyed. I'm sure some of them do. You may want to ask me (as so many people do), "What about when he starts crawling? How in the world are you going to be able to continue to take him to work?" My answer: "I have no idea! I'm taking it one day at a time. I trust that God will work it out just like He has worked everything else out."
Please don't think I work so we can have "extras." I work so we can have insurance. We believe very strongly that if it is within our means to take care of ourselves, we should. Though we would qualify for government assistance, we choose not to partake of it. We drive older cars that we don't owe any money on. We don't shop a lot. We don't go to the movies, we don't buy a ton of new clothes, and all of Owen's clothes are hand-me-downs except for the gifts he got at showers. We chose not to buy another house, but instead to live in a small, super cheap apartment. All of the furniture in our home is used and therefore nothing matches. We only buy what's on clearance and I'm always looking for sale prices. I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't want anybody else to feel sorry for me either. It's a great trade! I would rather have "nothing" in the eyes of the world (and unfortunately in the eyes of many Christians) and be able to have a happy, close family, than to have it all financially and sacrifice these precious years with my son.
Once in a while I will feel bad about not contributing more financially to our family. I would make a lot more if I worked 40 hours, I reason. But my husband lovingly reminds me that it is not my responsibility to take care of our family, it's his. And he is doing a wonderful job! A lot of people would swear that we couldn't make it on our income. But we do. We have no debt and a bill has never been paid late. Praise God for a man who doesn't guilt his wife into having to work! I am so grateful that my husband allows me to make my family my number one priority.
I know this is a long post and I'm sure I've lost many readers along the way. I hope my convictions have not offended anyone. I know that for some families daycare is a must - especially for single parents - and I am sympathetic to those in that situation.
Since we made up our minds to have me home more, God has provided in amazing ways! God has used other people to bless us and meet our needs. I know that I will never regret the decision we made to keep Owen with us. I'll never look back and think, "Why did we live by faith? I wish I would have worked more! I sure hated those days when I was home with Owen." Undoubtedly I will make many decisions that I'll live to regret. This will NOT be one of them!