Friday, January 21, 2011

Grace to Trust Him More

In my previous post I mentioned that my theme for 2011 is Grace to Trust Him More.
Let me explain why I chose this theme and why I need to trust Him (Christ) more.
In the middle of December Ben's employer informed him that our medical insurance plans had changed. They gave him the changes and less then 24 hours to review them and make a decision. The very next day he had to decide whether or not to sign up for the plan. If he chose to go with the new plan our rates were going up and our benefits were going down. If he chose not to sign up then he would not be able to change his mind for a full year. We would simply be without insurance. This new plan was now going to cost almost $1200 a month (that's over $14,000 a year)! However, even at this ridiculous price we were still not going to get any coverage until we met a $3,000 deductible for each family member. This means that prescriptions would not be covered. Immunizations would not be covered. Well baby visits would not be covered - no preventative care was covered at all! So basically our $14,000 would only provide major medical care. And if one of us needed that kind of care, the others would still not be covered until we spent $3,000 on them as well. I have never taken my kids to the doctor for being sick. Ben has never had a physical in all the years I've known him (I know that's terrible) and I have only visited the doctor when in need of prenatal care. All that to say this: spending $14,000 on insurance did not seem like a wise way to spend our hard earned money.
The day before we found out about our insurance I discovered that I was pregnant. This was a major surprise! I do not ovulate and have never before conceived without months of medication. What a roller coaster of emotions! We were excited that God would entrust us with another child, but I struggled with the timing of it all. I reminded myself that the worldy view, the unbiblical view says, "this is not the right timing." But God says, "Children are a gift from me!" I decided not to question this gift but to be thankful for it - and I really, honestly am thankful!
But now what do we do about our insurance? Because I am expecting we cannot buy private coverage because prenatal care and labor/delivery is not covered. So we did something we've never wanted to do. We looked into government assistance. We believe that if we can take care of ourselves, we should. We prayed and prayed and found no other alternative. However, we soon learned that the state would not assist us. It wasn't because we made too much money but because we currently have insurance. If we went without insurance for 6 months then we could be covered. But this is not something we could do. We had signed up for the plan through Ben's work and just began to hope and pray that somehow God would continue to meet all of our needs in spite of the extra several hundreds of dollars that we would no longer have.
But this wasn't all that we had to face. We live in a 600 square foot apartment and we have utilized every inch of it. My husband has done a fabulous job of creating hidden storage space for us so that we don't live in a jam packed clutter filled home. However, we simply do not have room for another bed for another child. And even if we did, our landlord does not allow families larger then 4 to live in the apartment. We would have to move. And there is no way we would be able to find a home to live in that would be as inexpensive as this one. So . . . our health insurance was going to double in cost, even our car insurance has gone up and now our rent would increase - probably double.
I could tell Ben was concerned but he stood strong for my sake. Me, on the other hand? I began to panic. I was worried sick. Between my fear of the unknown and pregnancy hormones, I was an emotional mess. I recall one evening full of tears when Ben just began to laugh at me. When I asked him what was so funny he replied, "I'm just not used to seeing you cry. I don't know what else to do." Needless to say, I am not normally an emotional woman! I continued to remind myself that God is good all the time. Of course I know that but it's difficult to grasp when the circumstances are not good.
But that wasn't all . . .
I had an ultrasound done to determine how far along I was. The ultrasound showed that my placenta was tearing. There was a 50% chance that the tear would heal itself and everything would be fine. But there was also a 50% chance that my placenta would continue to tear resulting in a miscarriage.
Do you see now why I need to trust God more? In the midst of these trials I found myself questioning whether or not God was going to provide. I knew we wouldn't end up homeless or hungry, but we have worked hard to stay debt free and I feared that we would be thousands of dollars in debt by year's end. However, in all things, I need to trust God.

What do I need to trust God to do?
- Meet all of our needs
- Protect our unborn baby
- Provide us with affordable health insurance
- Give us a place to live

I'm happy to say that God has done amazing things in the last two weeks! I am learning to trust Him in all things and He is beginning to show us what He has planned for us. In my next post I'll share some of the exciting things the Lord has done on our behalf.


Jeannette said...

I'm looking forward to hearing what God is already doing! It's sometimes difficult to remember that He promises to work ALL things together for good. You'll be in my prayers.

Karen said...

Oh, Kelly! We have been there and done it! Congratulations on your third little gift--I can't wait to see what exceeding & abundant things God has for you!

(what a funny scene to imagine: you, in tears--and Ben, at a total loss of what to do!)

Janeen said...

Wow Kelly! It is true that God is good all the time. Its so hard to remember during hard times. I listened to a sermon yesterday about trials from James 2. What a great reminder about God doing things in our lives to bring us closer to Him. He wants to grow us! Its so wonderful to see God at work. COngrats on your new little one. Well pray for healing and safety as you move back to Michigan.