Understanding the Real Easter Story

Earlier today I was telling my children the true story of Easter using Resurrection Eggs. Each egg from the dozen contains an item related to the story to help the child connect the story together. The eggs contain the following:

- a donkey to symbolize Jesus riding into the city.

- silver coins to represent the money Judas received for betraying Jesus.

- a cup to represent the last supper.

- praying hands to symbolize Jesus praying in Gethsemane.

- a leather whip to remind us of the beating Jesus received.

- a crown of thorns to recall the way the soldiers mocked him.

- nails in the cross to picture the punishment Jesus took on our behalf.

- a die to represent how the soldiers gambled for his clothes.

- a spear to remind us that His side was pierced for our sins.

- a linen cloth symbolizing how Joseph cared for Jesus' body to give Him a proper burial.

- a stone to picture the stone that was rolled in front of Jesus' tomb and was then rolled away.

- and lastly, the final egg is EMPTY, reminding us that Jesus did not stay dead. Jesus came back to life and He is alive today!

As I read the Bible to my kids and tell the resurrection story they take turns opening up the little plastic egg and sharing how the item inside fits into the story. I used these eggs for the first time last year and haven't referred to them since last Easter. To my delight, Owen remembered the entire story and was thrilled to have me use them again today. I plan to use them to teach my little preschoolers at church this Easter Sunday. If you've never used Resurrection eggs, considering picking up a set. I got mine at Hobby Lobby for $10.

I love seeing the excitement on their little faces when the last egg is empty after just moments before seeing the sadness on their faces when explaining to them that Jesus was killed. Throughout the story I asked, "Since Jesus has all the power, why didn't he stop the soldiers from killing him?" Owen replied, "Because our sin had to be punished. He took the punishment for us!" I LOVE seeing the light bulb go on in his head and pray that it draws his heart to Christ. To help him understand I began our lesson today by pretending that Aubrey needed to be disciplined because she had disobeyed. But instead of disciplining her, Owen stood up and offered to be punished in her place. They both thought that was silly but it seemed to help them understand that this is, in fact, what Jesus did for us when He died on the cross.

I asked Owen how his Daddy would feel if he (Owen) had to be punished for the sin of someone else. He replied, "OH, boy! That was be Daddy's worst day EVER!" I then said, "And how would you feel if like Jesus you had to be separated from your Father?" He quickly answered, "That would be my worst day ever!"

Thank you, Lord, for helping Owen to understand!

Learning to "Count It All Joy"

I'm in the middle of doing laundry right now and decided to sit down and glance at my calendar. I wanted to figure out how many days we'll be gone and what activities we'll be at so I can better pack up my family of five. Today is March 20. Near as I can tell, the earliest we'll be back home again sleeping in our own beds is April 15. That's right, we'll be gone for almost a month. So instead of just packing up church clothes and a few extra outfits like I do every other week, I'll be packing up Bible study materials, home school materials, vitamins, medicine, Easter outfits, Easter baskets, Easter eggs, food from our freezer, a stroller, a pack and play, all of the necessary items to complete our taxes and everything we might need for a conference we're attending. And since this weather is so crazy (which I'm enjoying, by the way) I'll need to pack both summer clothes and winter clothes. Throw in some baby food and bikes for the kids and I should be all set.

I'll be honest . . . I want to cry.

I'm overwhelmed. And I'm reminding myself of the verse I share with friends who are going through difficult times, Psalm 61:2, "When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I."

I realize that my life is not hard. I have three healthy children. I have a faithful husband. I have a wonderful church. I'm not fighting any diseases and I haven't lost a job, a house or a loved one. Every time I get on Facebook I hear about another friend who is facing a major trial: the death of a spouse, a frightening diagnosis, a divorce, or other life altering obstacles. In my head, I know my current trial is a drop in the bucket.

So, what is my trial? Well, after writing the above I'm now ashamed to even admit it.

We still don't have a house. The home we are renting is almost an hour and a half from our church so we spend most nights (and the next 4 weeks) in another home sleeping in another bed. I know, I know. It's not that big of a deal, especially since that "other" home belongs to my sister. It's not so much that I want my own house. What I crave is some consistency to our schedule. Family time. Alone time. A routine. A schedule of my own. These things are not possible when you're always on the go. Don't misunderstand me. It's not the hectic schedule that has me frustrated. It's that at the end of a busy day my family doesn't have our own little haven to rest and recharge together. We've been testing Aubrey for allergies and the lack of consistency has made it next to impossible to treat her. It's challenging to monitor everything she is exposed to when we are in so many different homes and eating in someone else's kitchen.

Please believe me when I say that I am exceptionally grateful for the hospitality extended to us. My sister and brother-in-law make us feel totally welcome in their home. The kids love spending time with their cousins. Individuals in our church have encouraged us by helping us with the cost of gas and treating our family to lunch on Sunday afternoons. We appreciate all of these acts of service.

However, the homemaker in me, the wife and mother in me, still desires a home of my own. We put an offer on a house 141 days ago. We're still waiting to hear if the house is ours.

I know God has a plan. I know there is a reason He has not moved us yet. I know He is in control and I know He cares about me. And while I am often tempted to respond to this trial with irritation and frustration, I'm learning to "count it all joy" as James, the half-brother of Jesus, encourages me to do. I am confident God has called us to Springview Community Church. I've never questioned that. And in this long period of transition I am learning many lessons along the way. I know that years from now I'll look back at this time and see it for what it is - just a bump in the road. In the meantime, please pray for me and my spirit. Pray that I choose joy. And if you'd like to go the extra mile you can also pray that we close on our house soon. I'm praying that we hear news before March is over. I know that's only 11 days away. I'm asking a big God to do big things!

Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer

I have been burdened in recent months over the various trials and tribulations that several of my friends are dealing with. God has seen fit to allow people I love to travel on some very difficult roads. Though I myself am not in the middle of the storm, my heart aches for those who are. I awake in the night with a heaviness on my heart. I have been praying and begging God to draw my loved ones to Himself that He might be glorified and that they might find peace in the battle.

Yesterday I was listening to Kristyn Getty sing Jesus, Draw Me Ever Nearer. In tears, I sang too.

This is my prayer for those in the storm:

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

Click on this link to listen to the song and be blessed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5_HMgMwQ7Q

A Wife of His Own

When you ask a child what excites him about growing older you often hear responses like,

- staying up late

- going to school

- getting a driver's license

- moving out

- or having children (if you're talking to a young girl)

Owen often talks with excitement about being a husband when he's older. We don't prompt him, he just shares what he's thinking about. Tonight at bed time he prayed, "Thank you, God, that when I get older I can have a wife of my own."

Proverbs 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." I hope my son will one day find such a good thing. I thank God that Owen already, in his childish mind, sees a wife as a "good thing" to thank God for.

I Have a Hoarder on My Hands

My Aubrey loves stuff. She can find a use for anything. She once pulled a piece of paper out of the trash and brought it to me saying, "Mama, this would be a good book marker." My little girl was born to a set of parents who hate clutter. We love to throw things away and organize. Since we've been renting the house we currently live in, we've been unable to be nearly as organized as we would like. The closets are full of boxes we never unpacked while we anticipated another move. Now, nearly a year after moving here, it's starting to drive me a little nuts. We've hung nothing on the walls and that alone makes it difficult for me to be organized and have everything in its place. It also makes it hard to have that warm, cozy, home(y) feeling.

Now that Ben has an office we have several book shelves void of books. Aubrey has adopted one as her own. Let me show you what it looks like:
Keep in mind that this book shelf is in our living room for all eyes to see. It kinda, sorta, really drives me crazy. Those that knew me in Kentucky and knew how tiny my apartment was and how organized and clean I kept it are probably laughing out loud at this picture. But I love her as she is and I try to work with it.
There is one shelf in particular that she likes to use. On this shelf you will find: many stuffed animals, nerf bullets, a purse or two, a pair of shoes, a pair of boots, several burp cloths, several cell phones, a key chain, many necklaces and bracelets, stickers, socks, balls, 3 sippy cups, bibs, blankets, doll clothes, blocks, hair accessories, books, and usually things that don't belong to her such as recipes she's taken out of the kitchen, toys that Owen is playing with or teething toys that Evie Kate uses. If something is ever missing you need not look. You simply ask Aubrey if she has seen _____ and she will quickly go to her shelf and retrieve the missing item. The amazing part is that she doesn't need to empty the shelf to even find the said item. She will slide her hide in to the exact spot where the item is located and pull it out without any trouble.

As you can imagine, things don't always stay on her shelf. Sometimes it gets so full the slightest bump will cause everything to fall out. This infuriates her. We have to frequently have conversations centered around the shelf.

I suppose I could tell her that she's not allowed to use it. And when we move and can find a place for her things I do plan to do that. But for now it's actually a good reminder to me that we all have things about us that are kind of annoying. It's good practice for me to overlook the irritations and love the girl in spite of them. That is, after all, what God does with me.

*Although I'm learning spiritual lessons through Aubrey's annoying hoarding inclinations, I do fully recognize my responsibility to train her to not be a hoarder. I hope to do just that. If, one day, you see her on TLC's show, "The Hoarder" you'll know I failed - miserably.

Redeeming the Time

It was one year ago this month that I got together with a group of women in Louisville, Kentucky to discuss the idea of creating a theme to give my life direction and focus. My theme for 2011 was Grace to Trust Him More. We were faced with a lot of uncertainties last year. An unexpected blessing/pregnancy, an unplanned move to Michigan, a potential problem with my pregnancy, a new job for Ben, a change in our finances, direction for a ministry position for Ben, a heart murmur found in Owen, and Ben's car was stolen - just to name a few. It was a great year. There were sad times and good times. Big things took place. My grandmother passed away on Valentine's Day, my second daughter was born in July and my husband became a pastor.

I really enjoyed having a theme and using my journal. I recorded things I most certainly would have forgotten otherwise. My journal is full of special notes from friends, pictures, quotes from my children, Owen's writing, sermon notes and much more.

I began thinking several weeks ago about what my theme for 2012 should be. I have been convicted lately about the use of my time. This thought often comes to mind, "The days are long, but the years are short." Life is passing by. It's going by so fast. I have so many goals and dreams and I am becoming more and more aware that unless and until I am intentional with my time, I will not accomplish all that I hope to. I only have so many years left with my children in my home and under my care. I cannot afford to waste time!

With that said, my theme this year is Redeeming the Time and I'm clinging on to Ephesians 5:15-16 which says, "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." As I redeem the time I hope to spend more time reading the Bible, playing with my kids and interacting with my husband. These goals are hard to measure so I have come up with a few things I plan to do that will be easy to manage. So far, here's what I plan to do:

- Have my lesson plans done by Saturday of each week

- Read at least six books off my reading list

- Daily prayer time and Bible reading

- Write in my children's journals weekly

- Rise early in the morning and retire early in the evening.

- Exercise five days a week. (GASP!) I know, I know. I almost didn't mention this one here because putting it in writing means there's no turning back. But that's why I NEED to write this one out. My sister has already come up with a workout plan for me to start on Monday.

I don't know how many days I have left but I know I want to use them to the fullest!

God Answers Prayer

A couple weeks ago I took the kids outside to take these pictures. The house we currently live in sits on 5 acres that includes a creek, a bridge, wooded areas, a private trail, open grassy areas, two gardens, a few large hills and many big trees. When I snapped the last picture I went to put the lens cap on and realized it was missing. We had walked all over the yard and I was not sure where I lost it. Leaves were everywhere and my two oldest children joined me in searching through them for my lost lens cap. We prayed together and looked. We prayed some more and looked some more. After nap time we went back outside and continued to pray and look. We did this for several days. The next week we went out again and prayed and searched. We were not successful in finding my lens cap.

Monday of this week we went outside to go on a nature walk as part of our science lesson. While under one of the largest trees in the yard, Owen started kicking leaves around and suggested we try to find my lens cap again. Before he had even mentioned it, I was already praying about it. I know this may seem like a silly thing to pray about but let me share what was on my mind - I have a nice camera. It's an expensive camera. And I want to be a good steward of the things God has given me. Not having a cover for my lens will allow the lens to get dirty and scratched. A lens cap is a small thing. It can be replaced. I know it's not a big deal. I told God all of this, but I still asked Him to help me find it so I didn't have to buy a new one. I said "amen" and immediately (as in one second later) I looked down and THERE WAS MY LENS CAP! It was directly in front of my right foot. I gasped audibly. I was in shock. We had looked and prayed so many times and as soon as I ended my last prayer it appeared out of nowhere! Owen heard me gasp and asked, "What's wrong, Mama?" I pointed down at my foot and when he saw the cap he raised the long branch he was carrying into the sky and yelled, "Thank you, LORD!!!!"

Right away Owen, Aubrey and I knelt down in the grass and thanked God for answering our prayer. Owen is really beginning to understand that God does indeed answer prayer. God is so kind and so good to allow my children to witness this answer, to see His provision and care even in the small things.

13 Minutes of Praise

Tonight at bed time my two year old daughter prayed . . . for 13 straight minutes. I'm certain her prayer last night was even longer but I didn't look at the clock then to time it. Doesn't she know that I have floors to mop and carpets to vacuum? Doesn't she know that Wednesdays are long days for me and I really need some down time of my own? Doesn't she know that I've been anticipating bed time for the last couple of hours so that I could have time to read and pray on my own? Doesn't she know that long prayers are socially unacceptable?

No, she doesn't know and she's too young and innocent to pray for the praise of men (I don't praise her for it). Even though it is inconvenient for me at times, I praise God for her tender heart. It's a joy to hear her pray. She doesn't ask for things. All 13 minutes were spent thanking God. "Thank you God for supper. Thank you God for Daddy. Thank you God for parks. Thank you God for my cousin's house. Thank you God I pee in the toilet." Several weeks ago she even thanked God for Dr. Seuss.

13 minutes of praise. She's a good example for me.

Jesus Makes Me Clean

"And a leper came to him (Jesus), imploring him, and kneeling said to him, 'If you will, you can make me clean.' Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him and said to him, 'I will; be clean.' And immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean." Mark 1:40-42

After reading these verses I decided to do a google search on leprosy. I knew it was a skin disease that caused deformities. In Biblical times a person with leprosy was considered unclean and became an outcast to society. A leper was completely isolated because the disease was passed by human to human contact. Because of this isolation, a leper was unable to provide for himself. When I did my google search I looked for images because I was curious what a leper looked like. One picture in particular was incredibly disturbing. Too gruesome for me to post here. When I saw the picture I thought, That's scary! If I were to meet a leper I would avoid contact. Regardless of whether or not I could contract the disease I don't think, in my selfish state, that I would hug a leper. Shame on me.
Now that I know what a leper looks like, the pity and compassion that Jesus extended to the man in this passage impresses me even more. In those days you would become ceremonially unclean if you touched a leper. Jesus, of course, was not worried about that. Instead of Jesus becoming unclean, He had the power to instead make the leper clean!
Imagine being that man. Diseased and sick. No family or friends nearby. Pain. Shame. Deformities that embarrassed him. Nobody to love him or hug him. Imagine living with a disease that causes everyone to run from you. And then you meet Jesus. This man had faith. He knew Jesus could heal him and when he asks Jesus to do so he hears, "I will." I try to put myself in the shoes of this sick man and imagine what it must have been like to hear those words. What an answer to his prayers! What a gift - a new life! The compassion Jesus showed this man moves me.
And then I remember that this is the same Jesus I worship today. He still has the power to change lives. And though I am sick and diseased (because of my sin) I can call upon Jesus Christ to change me. I don't have to live trapped in my sin. And when I ask Jesus to forgive me for my sin and to draw me to Himself he responds with the same answer. "I will."
I am not "clean" or forgiven because of me. I can not earn God's forgiveness or favor. I don't deserve it. But he gives it freely. And he will give it to you too. Jesus alone has the power to change us.

God's Leading to Pastoral Ministry

Before Ben and I were married he shared with me his desire to be a pastor. He had already graduated from Word of Life Bible Institute and Liberty University. He had a degree in Bible and taught at a Christian school. He was very involved in his local church and had worked several summers at Camp Barakel as a counselor. Right after we met he went on a missions trip to Mongolia. One of the things that first attracted me to him was his heart for ministry. Shortly after we married he began to pursue a masters degree in order to prepare himself for ministry. However, we quickly discovered that teaching full time, working a part time job on the side and being heavily involved in our local church made it next to impossible to work on a degree through correspondence courses.
There was a time when we thought he was going to be hired on staff at a church here in Michigan. When God closed that door we began to seriously consider further education. We strongly felt God calling Ben to pastoral ministry and many times over that calling was confirmed to us by our local church and other men in the ministry. I remember a conversation Ben and I had one night as we discussed the idea of selling our house, quitting our jobs, losing our health insurance and stepping out in faith to move to another state where we knew no one to go to a seminary we couldn't afford. Ben said, "The next four years are going to pass either way. In four years do we want to be where we are now, or do we want to have a seminary degree that can prepare me for ministry?" We chose the latter. And I'm so glad we did.
We moved to Kentucky in August of 2006 and Ben started classes just a couple days later.
He worked hard and despite the fact that he worked a full time job, had a wife and became a father to two children during that time, he finished in four years (It is a 90+ credit hour program)! I'm a proud wife. And I had the privilege of learning right along with him as I took classes in the Seminary Wives Institute and plugged into Bible studies at our church (one specifically designed for ministry wives).
Ben graduated in May 2010 and to my disappointment we didn't have a job waiting for us when he walked across the stage to get his diploma. I knew it was unlikely that he would find a church right away. Many of our friends who have finished seminary have waited a good 2-3 years for full time positions. But I hoped our situation would be different. Seven months after he graduated we learned I was pregnant and our world seemed to turn upside down. We had to move. We had to get different health insurance. We had to get different jobs. And we had to move back to Michigan, regardless of the fact that I did not want to. It was clear it was God's will. So I struggled through those weeks in December and January. I really struggled. I took the counsel of Katherine Magnuson, a wonderful godly woman at my church in Kentucky, and made a theme for 2011. My theme was "Grace to Trust Him More." I posted about my theme here. God has been faithful in teaching me to trust Him as I continue to grow in this area. I often question rather than trust.
We moved back to Michigan at the very end of January of this year. Ben continued to send out his resume and contact churches. When doors didn't open as fast or as wide as I thought they should, I secretly began to question God. I wondered if we had misunderstood His calling. I tried to wait on the Lord but found it difficult. Ben, on the other hand, never questioned. He was always confident that God had a plan and that he was called to pastoral ministry. I'm thankful to be married to a man of such strong faith!
Before we even moved back to Michigan Ben sent his resume to Springview Community Church. We never heard back from them but we still prayed for this church for many months. Earlier this summer Ben was asked to fill the pulpit at Immanuel Bible Church, the church we are members of. Springview Community Church learned that Ben was going to be preaching this particular Sunday so they sent half a dozen people to hear him. We never knew this was going on. I taught Children's church that day while Ben preached and neither one of us had any clue that there were people there from Springview. A short time later Ben got a call from one of the members of the search committee asking if he would be interested in doing an initial phone interview. This was the first contact we had with this church and it was months after Ben first sent his resume. How neat to see that the Lord was working during all those months of silence! After a few interviews Ben and I had dinner with the leadership team and their wives where we spent three hours discussing ministry and answering questions. Evelyn was 11 days old at this meeting. When it was over Ben and I got in the car and the whole way home talked about how much we loved the people. We felt an immediate connection! Not long after Ben was asked to come preach at the church. He preached two Sundays in a row. One Sunday they had a potluck dinner following the service which was a great opportunity for us to meet with many of the people from the church. We absolutely fell in love with the people of this congregation. There is a real sense of community among the body and it is so clear that they truly care for one another and minister to one another.
On Sunday, August 28 the church voted and extended the call of senior pastor to Ben. He gladly accepted the call. We are so thankful! The church is excited about having a new pastor and we are so excited to be joining this church. I honestly cannot imagine a better ministry for us. It just seems like a perfect fit. God does things like that. He knows what we need. He knew we needed to be in Michigan and he arranged our life in such a way to get us back here. He knew we needed these last 15 months between seminary life and full time ministry. None of these are coincidences. Rather, this is the hand of a sovereign God. It is such a delight to go back and read through the things I posted over the last few years and see how God has brought us here. In the midst of all of this God is still giving me the grace to trust Him more.

Lessons Learned

I shared with Ben that I've learned two important lessons over the last few weeks since posting on this blog about the journey that God has us on:

1. I've learned what it means to be a good friend and bless others. A true friend. An intentional friend. And I learned this important lesson by witnessing and experiencing how my friends have treated me. Typically when I hear that a friend is struggling I ask questions to show that I care. Though I'm now realizing that simply inquiring does NOT show that I care (even if I really do), it just shows that I like to know the details. Or, I would say, "Let me know if I can do anything for you." While I mean well when I make these general statements nobody is likely to take me up on that. But as the recipient of the kindness and goodness of so many people over the last several days, I think I now know more about what it means to be a real friend. An intentional friend does these types of things:
- Sends a text and says, "I'm bringing dinner on Thursday."
- "Plan on staying at my house the last few nights you're in town. It will make packing your apartment so much easier."
- "I'm arranging my schedule to spend all day Friday with you to pack."
- "I want to watch your kids for you while you pack on such and such a day."
- "Here's some money for your trip. I know there are extra expenses that come up."
- "I prepared a snack bag for each of your kids while you're on the road."
- "Here's a gift card to McDonalds in case you need to let the kids get out to eat and play."
- Sends encouraging cards and even remembers your theme! (smile!)
- Buys you a box of oreos because they know how much you like them.
- Gives you gifts to show how much they care.
- Doesn't just offer to help, but insists on it.
- Stocks your pantry without asking.
- Shows up to help you load and unload your truck. (As our Louisville friends loaded our U-Haul I kept thinking to myself, "If these guys ever move they know we will no longer be in the area to help them move. Yet they help us KNOWING we can never return the favor").
- Prays for you, regularly.
* If I had been asked, "Do you want me to watch your kids? Would you like a meal? Can I give you some money?" etc, I would have undoubtedly replied with, "Oh, that's so kind of you. Thank you, but we'll be fine." Next time I see someone in need (and I don't just mean physically) I am going to try and be intentional. Rather then say, "Let me know if I can help" I plan to say, "I've already decided. And this is how I AM going to help . . . "

2. The second lesson I've learned is that everyone is facing some kind of trial. I received countless notes in my inbox from people who felt free to share their struggles with me because I had shared what was going on in my life. I was humbled and amazed by some of the things these dear people are facing. Some of these people I don't even know. Of course I know in my head that nobody's life is perfect and that we each have our own issues to deal with. But it's one thing to know that generally speaking and another thing to read the personal stories and hear about the heartache. Many of the struggles are by no means minor. The Lord has reminded me that I need to be patient with others - always showing love and forbearance because I really don't know what is going on in someone else's life. Just like God extends His grace to me, I need to extend that same grace to others. And hearing about these personal trials has allowed me to put into practice what I learned in Lesson #1.


These lessons have been learned. Now they need to be applied to my life!

God's Leading

For almost a month we asked God to give us direction and provision. We had no idea what to do or what God was doing. We didn't know how we were going to pay our bills. We just took it one day at a time and hoped that through this season God would strengthen us, draw us to Himself and increase our faith and trust in Him.
Well meaning friends and family asked us if we had considered moving back to Michigan. We had not. The unemployment rate there is high and even though we didn't know how our financial situation was going to work itself out, we at least have jobs. And besides, we love our life in Kentucky. It is our home and I personally had no desire to leave. I love everything about my life here. A close family friend asked us to consider the idea that perhaps God was trying to move us out of Kentucky. We were reminded that regardless of whether or not we stayed in Kentucky, we had to move. We cannot bring a third child into our apartment. And we needed to face the fact that Ben needed a different job where medical insurance was affordable. We continued to pray about where God wanted us, where He wanted us to live and work.
Then about 2.5 weeks ago Ben received a totally unexpected job offer - a job that provided affordable insurance. The job was not only in Michigan, but in Ben's hometown! Ben and I talked about it and prayed together. One week after the job offer we were offered a home to rent. Everything seemed to fall into place. And so we made the decision to step out in faith, quit our jobs in Kentucky and move our family to Michigan. We still have some unknowns. Obviously I will be losing my job but we are excited to see how God is going to meet all of our needs. We plan to move this week.
Many people have asked Ben how I feel about this move. So I thought I would just say it here. I have had a lot of mixed emotions. Even my sister said to me in one conversation, "We are all really excited about this move, but you don't seem to be." It's no secret that I love Louisville. Whether we move now or move at a later date when Ben gets a ministry job it's going to be hard for me. But we've known all along that this move was going to happen eventually. I have no doubt that this is where God is leading us and I want to be right where He wants us. I am excited to be near family and friends. I am looking forward to being a part of our home church again and I'm thankful my children can be near family, even if only for a short time. We have no idea how long God has us in Michigan. We plan to stay there until God provides Ben with a ministry position. So do I leave Louisville with sadness? Yes, but that's a good thing because it means I have made some wonderful friends! While I am sad to leave my home here I am happy to be in Michigan. The closer we get to moving day the more I look forward to it!
Ministry is still the priority. It is still what we are seeking and we still believe that God has called Ben to the ministry. Until then we will faithfully serve wherever God puts us.

Grace to Trust Him More

In my previous post I mentioned that my theme for 2011 is Grace to Trust Him More.
Let me explain why I chose this theme and why I need to trust Him (Christ) more.
In the middle of December Ben's employer informed him that our medical insurance plans had changed. They gave him the changes and less then 24 hours to review them and make a decision. The very next day he had to decide whether or not to sign up for the plan. If he chose to go with the new plan our rates were going up and our benefits were going down. If he chose not to sign up then he would not be able to change his mind for a full year. We would simply be without insurance. This new plan was now going to cost almost $1200 a month (that's over $14,000 a year)! However, even at this ridiculous price we were still not going to get any coverage until we met a $3,000 deductible for each family member. This means that prescriptions would not be covered. Immunizations would not be covered. Well baby visits would not be covered - no preventative care was covered at all! So basically our $14,000 would only provide major medical care. And if one of us needed that kind of care, the others would still not be covered until we spent $3,000 on them as well. I have never taken my kids to the doctor for being sick. Ben has never had a physical in all the years I've known him (I know that's terrible) and I have only visited the doctor when in need of prenatal care. All that to say this: spending $14,000 on insurance did not seem like a wise way to spend our hard earned money.
The day before we found out about our insurance I discovered that I was pregnant. This was a major surprise! I do not ovulate and have never before conceived without months of medication. What a roller coaster of emotions! We were excited that God would entrust us with another child, but I struggled with the timing of it all. I reminded myself that the worldy view, the unbiblical view says, "this is not the right timing." But God says, "Children are a gift from me!" I decided not to question this gift but to be thankful for it - and I really, honestly am thankful!
But now what do we do about our insurance? Because I am expecting we cannot buy private coverage because prenatal care and labor/delivery is not covered. So we did something we've never wanted to do. We looked into government assistance. We believe that if we can take care of ourselves, we should. We prayed and prayed and found no other alternative. However, we soon learned that the state would not assist us. It wasn't because we made too much money but because we currently have insurance. If we went without insurance for 6 months then we could be covered. But this is not something we could do. We had signed up for the plan through Ben's work and just began to hope and pray that somehow God would continue to meet all of our needs in spite of the extra several hundreds of dollars that we would no longer have.
But this wasn't all that we had to face. We live in a 600 square foot apartment and we have utilized every inch of it. My husband has done a fabulous job of creating hidden storage space for us so that we don't live in a jam packed clutter filled home. However, we simply do not have room for another bed for another child. And even if we did, our landlord does not allow families larger then 4 to live in the apartment. We would have to move. And there is no way we would be able to find a home to live in that would be as inexpensive as this one. So . . . our health insurance was going to double in cost, even our car insurance has gone up and now our rent would increase - probably double.
I could tell Ben was concerned but he stood strong for my sake. Me, on the other hand? I began to panic. I was worried sick. Between my fear of the unknown and pregnancy hormones, I was an emotional mess. I recall one evening full of tears when Ben just began to laugh at me. When I asked him what was so funny he replied, "I'm just not used to seeing you cry. I don't know what else to do." Needless to say, I am not normally an emotional woman! I continued to remind myself that God is good all the time. Of course I know that but it's difficult to grasp when the circumstances are not good.
But that wasn't all . . .
I had an ultrasound done to determine how far along I was. The ultrasound showed that my placenta was tearing. There was a 50% chance that the tear would heal itself and everything would be fine. But there was also a 50% chance that my placenta would continue to tear resulting in a miscarriage.
Do you see now why I need to trust God more? In the midst of these trials I found myself questioning whether or not God was going to provide. I knew we wouldn't end up homeless or hungry, but we have worked hard to stay debt free and I feared that we would be thousands of dollars in debt by year's end. However, in all things, I need to trust God.

What do I need to trust God to do?
- Meet all of our needs
- Protect our unborn baby
- Provide us with affordable health insurance
- Give us a place to live

I'm happy to say that God has done amazing things in the last two weeks! I am learning to trust Him in all things and He is beginning to show us what He has planned for us. In my next post I'll share some of the exciting things the Lord has done on our behalf.

Creating Themes for Direction & Focus

On Wednesday mornings I participate in a fantastic program at our church called Mom2Mom. Each week we gather to hear a different woman speak on a variety of topics having to do with our calling as wives and mothers. One week last fall Mrs. Katherine Magnuson came to speak. Her topic was Creating Themes for Direction and Focus.
She spent the hour explaining the importance of being intentional with our lives. Creating a theme helps her to have direction for the year, to be focused and to see the things God is doing around her - things she would likely miss if she did not have her theme. She talked about leaving a legacy for our children and recording and chronicling the things God brings us through. Each year she comes up with a theme. Here are some that she has had in past years:
"For Such a Time As This" - seasons of life
"Excellence in the Ordinary" - focusing on doing all things, even the little things, for God's glory.
"We are the Sum Total of All of Our Choices" - focusing on making good choices.
"Fort Magnuson" - a year spent creating a home that was a fortress for her children. A place where they can come in at the end of the day to find rest and be recharged to face the world the next day.
"To God Be the Glory" - seeing God work and giving Him credit for it all!
"Sympthonia: Harmony for His Glory" - focused on living peacefully with others.
"The Power of the Little Things" - recognizing God's hand in everything.
"Finding Rest in Thee" - resting and trusting in Christ alone.
Each of her themes are based on a scripture verse and often have a hymn or Christian song connected to them. She then showed us her many year's worth of journals. She allowed us to flip through the pages and get a feel for their purpose and their importance. In some ways these journals are like scrapbooks. They are colorful. There are pictures. There is journaling and important information written down. But in other ways it's so much better then a scrapbook. There are no expensive stickers or paper to buy. You just need a $10 sketchbook from Barnes & Noble. You don't have to have pictures of every event in your year. You don't need to buy page protectors and use special tape and scizzors. It doesn't have to be picture perfect. There are no rules! You can use it as much or as little as you want. I used to do Creative Memories. But when you don't have a lot of money or any extra space, scrap booking is just not feasible. So this journal idea appealed to me!
But that was back in October. Months passed and I lost my excitement and motivation to create a theme for direction and focus. Then in January I received an invitation to attend a Ladies Journal Night. Mrs. Magnuson was going to meet with us at a friend's house to talk to us some more about themes and journals. I heard about it and really didn't plan on going because my life is really busy right now and I was pretty sure keeping a journal was just not something I was going to be able to keep up with. Some good friends changed my mind and convinced me to go. So an hour before the meeting was supposed to start I went to the bookstore and purchased a journal. I am so glad that I did!
On a more person level Mrs. Magnuson gave us some suggestions of what to put in our journals, how to use them, and how to come up with a theme. She suggested we include some of the following in our journals:
- Pictures
- Pages with your children's drawings, quotes and special papers
- Inspiring poems
- Quotes I want to remember
- Sermon Notes (she has her young children draw pictures of the sermon in her journal)
- A list of books you read throughout the year and what you've learned from them
- A list of books you've read to your children
- Prayer requests and answers to prayer
- Notes from trips you go on
- Mom2Mom, Sunday School or other notes
- Verses you have memorized
- Handprints of your kids
- A list of churches you have visited when away from home
- Special notes and cards you've received from friends
I sat in this meeting and instantly knew I needed a theme. I needed focus. I needed to live my life intentionally. The days pass by and quickly turn into years. I don't want to waste this time. I want to be able to look back and remember what God has done! I want to leave a legacy for my children. I want them to know how God is working in my life. I want to record all the things they say and do that I will surely forget otherwise. So I was sold on the idea. I had a new journal in my lap. I was given lots of ideas of what to put in my journal. But what I didn't have was a theme.
Mrs. Magnuson offered to help us come up with a theme. Almost all of the women had already picked one out. But when she came to me I broke down in tears. There is a lot going on in my life right now, a lot of unknowns (especially on that night)! For the last 4-6 weeks my faith has been challenged and I found myself surprisingly and ashamedly weak. I knew I needed to grow in my faith and trust in the Lord as we face some very uncertain times. I shared this with the group and they immediately began offering some suggestions of possible themes for my year, almost all of them accompanied with a special Bible verse. I was overwhelmed with how many of these sweet friends cared about my trial, truly cared - not just interested in the details of the story. By the end of the night I had settled on a theme. It was one that Mrs. Magnuson came up with.

Grace to Trust Him More

This is my theme for 2011. It's based on the old hymn, 'Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus and that song has been in my head since our Ladies Journaling Night.

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take him at his word;
just to rest upon his promise,
and to know, "Thus saith the Lord."

Refrain:
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more!

We concluded the evening with a time of prayer and remembered the occasion by taking a group picture. That picture is now in my journal!

In the next few days I hope to post about why I chose this theme, why I need to trust Christ more and what He is doing in our lives. It's going to be a great year!

Waiting on the Lord

In recent weeks we have had to make some decisions in blind faith. It's always hard to make a decision when you don't know all the details or are unsure about the future.
We live in a 600 square foot apartment and our rent is ridiculously affordable. It's a tight squeeze but we make it work and we are thankful to have a place to call "home." We would like more room for more children (some day) and hosting guests. We haven't looked to move, however, because our rent is ridiculously affordable and we are waiting for the Lord to show us where He wants us next. Ben graduated from seminary in May and we are trusting God to provide a ministry position for him.
Last week a woman from my church approached me with an offer too good to pass up. She owns a three bedroom brick house with a fenced in yard and a garage. The entire house has a nice fresh coat of paint and refinished hardwood floors. And she wanted to rent it to us for the same price that we renting our apartment. Let me remind you once again - our rent is ridiculously affordable (read "cheap!").
I came home and told Ben about it. We looked up the house and discovered that it's on a nice quiet street in a good neighborhood. But should we move? If we knew God wasn't going to open up a ministry position for another, say, 18 months - then sure! Let's move! But what if he opens something up in, say, 4 months? Well, then let's not move. We found ourselves in a position we have been in many, many times: we had to make a decision without knowing the future, without having all of the information. We prayed about it. We talked about it. We got kind of excited about it.
The next day I went to the seminary to hear author, Mary Kassian speak. A woman I met briefly over a year and a half ago approached me and randomly said, "Hi, Kelly! Would you happen to know of any good deals for a place to rent? My husband and I are trying to cut our expenses and our rent is just too high." This woman and her husband have no children and plan to be in school for the next four years. Their goal is to graduate debt free. Ben and I had that goal too and were able to do so and having a ridiculously affordable apartment was a big help! I told the woman, Katy, about the offer we had received the night before and how we were praying about the possibility. She asked me to please give her the homeowners name and number if we decided not to take the offer.
I came home and told Ben about my conversation with Katy. We decided to let Katy and her husband pursue the opportunity to rent the house. That same day Katy walked through the house with the owner and called me and said, "I hate to tell you about this house because I'm afraid you're going to regret not doing it!" What she described sounded like a perfect situation. The owner is even letting her decided how much she wants to pay in rent! They move in after the holidays.
The homeowner came up to me at church on Sunday and expressed her gratitude and thankfulness that I found someone to rent her house. She really likes Katy and is excited about the arrangement.
So were we foolish to decline an opportunity that was "too good to pass up?" I don't think so. We have a real peace about it. Had the homeowner not approached me, and had Katy not randomly approached me, then these two would have never met. I really think God used me to connect these two women. Katy can reduce her monthly expenses and Carol, the homeowner, will receive more in rent each month than what we would have paid. We love Louisville, but we are not confident that the Lord intends to keep us here.
So here we are . . . waiting . . . and believing that God has something planned for us! Please pray that God would be pleased to show us where He wants us next.

Refreshed

Last weekend my husband told me to plan on having Tuesday to myself. "To do what?" I asked. "Whatever you want" was his reply. I LOVE spending time with my little family of four but thought that it might be nice to have a morning alone. I wondered what I should do with this gift of time. I could go shopping. I can always find something for the kids, a new book for my shelf or a new item for our home. But sometimes roaming through department stores can make me dissatisfied. I don't have room in my home for "stuff." I can't afford a particular item I want. You get the idea.
So then I thought about getting together with a couple of other women. And while I do have wonderful Christian friends, sometimes it's nice to be alone where I'm not tempted to compare, to be critical, or to gossip. And besides, I am blessed to see many of my friends on a regular basis.
I then considered the idea of going out to purchase for myself a couple of new shirts. It's getting cooler and I could use some new clothes. But as quickly as that idea entered my mind it followed with this thought, "Why dress up the outward man when I know the inward man is what needs attention? I can try to pretty up my physical appearance all I want, but it's my heart that I need to focus on."
And with that, I KNEW what I wanted to do with my Tuesday morning. I wanted to be completely alone in a secluded spot to have time, lots of time, with God. I asked the Lord to direct to me a place where I could talk to Him without any distractions, and He did just that! When I left home I didn't know where I was going to go, but God did! I purposely took my camera because I was excited to see where I was going to end up and I wanted to be sure to get a picture of it.

And THIS is where the Lord send me to spend a morning with Him: It's very easy to worship the Creator when in the midst of His beautiful creation!
I was on a long, rugged trail all by myself without hearing or seeing a single car or person. I didn't even take my cell phone.

How anyone can deny that there is a God is beyond me.

"Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it! Then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy before the Lord!"

(Psalm 96:11-12)

I didn't get a new book to read. I didn't get a new outfit to wear or something cute to hang on my wall. But I did get what money can't buy and I felt refreshed and recharged afterward!

Becoming a Titus 2 Woman

I recently read Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Martha Peace and last night I finished a class on Discipleship and Mentoring at Southern Seminary. Titus 2:3-5 says "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Did you catch that? The older women are to teach the younger women:
- To love their husbands
- To love their children
- To be self-controlled
- To be pure
- To be a worker at home
- To be kind
- To be submissive to her own husband
What a huge responsibility we as women have to teach other women!!! One morning a week I join several other young mothers at Mom2Mom at my local church. We don't eat when we get together (though I wish we did!), we don't play games, we don't do crafts - we get discipled. True discipleship is when biblical truth is being taught from one person to another. It is here that I see Titus 2:3-5 being fleshed out. It is here that I have the privilege every week to hear a different speaker challenge me to be a godly Christian, wife and mother. To further explain what we do at Mom2Mom let me list out each week's topic for this semester.

Week One: Our Responsibility & High Calling as Wives and Mothers
Week Two: Communicating With Your Spouse Through Conflict
Week Three: Creating Themes for Direction and Focus
Week Four: How to Share Your Faith and Model a Heart for Advancing the Kingdom
Week Five: Disciplining Your Children
Week Six: Culture Wars - Training Your Children to Think Biblically
Week Seven: Cultivating a Heart of Contentment
Week Eight: Raising Masculine Sons and Feminine Daughters
Week Nine: Simplicity in a Complicated World

My Discipleship and Mentoring teacher, Mrs. Cook mentioned that the "older woman" does not necessarily have to be a woman who is physically older. Sometimes it just means a woman who is more spiritually mature. Each of us is in a position to be taught something. And likewise, we are each in a position to be able to teach something. On Wednesday nights I am in a Bible study at my church. The teacher is fantastic. She knows the Word of God and it flows out of her mouth as she teaches. She is a woman of passion and conviction. The women love her class because she is a dynamic teacher and is a woman of great character and godliness. However, the teacher is the youngest woman in the class. Some of the women she leads are 10 or 20 years older than her. I love that this young woman teaches the "younger" women. Although I am older than her, she has so much to teach me!

In her book, Martha Peace states the sad truth that in most churches we do not see women taking on the responsibility to teach younger women. She gives several suggestions as to why this is not happening:
* The older women were never taught when they were young
* Some may be vain and not want to be considered in the older woman category
* Others may wrongly believe that once their children are grown and out of the home they have done their part and have no further responsibility
* Their lives reflect a feminist viewpoint of seeking fulfillment and identity from more education or career
* Others selfishly put all their time and energy into their own children and grandchildren and so they do not reach out to anyone else
* Many believe that it is not their place to be involved with other women in such a personal way
* The older woman may be afraid the younger woman will be offended or react angrily

She concludes the paragraph by stating, "I do not know all the reasons but I do know that in most of the churches I visit, the younger women are begging for godly, older, mature women to help them."

I can certainly relate to that last line! As a young Christian in my late teens I desperately wanted a godly woman to invest in me and mentor me. I memorized Proverbs 31 and read all kinds of books on being a godly woman because I did not have a godly woman in my life. God answered my prayers when my best friend's mother, Nancy Lunney, took an interest in me. She was a gift from God and a real life example to me. He sent others to: friends, pastor's wives and co-workers. I am so thankful for these women who applied Titus 2:3-5 to their life and ministry.

If you're the older woman, be assured that there are younger women around you who could use your help and wisdom. They need to know what it looks like to live a life of godliness. But don't just let them observe. Intentionally find a younger woman you can disciple. If you're a younger woman, be thankful when another takes an interest in you and has enough boldness and courage to share with you. We are in the Body of Christ together. Let's use our gifts to teach, challenge and encourage one another.