He Loves Me in Spite of Me

I'll be honest. Being called back to the bedroom after the kids are tucked in for the night really irritates me. I'm ready for a break and for some peace and quiet. It doesn't happen every night but when it does I'm afraid I can respond like a bear. The last thing I want to hear is "MOOOM! I need my sheet fixed. MOM! I need another drink! MOM! I have to go potty again!" Regardless of the fact that they go potty, get a drink and get their sheets and blankets tucked in around them, they still manage to find a reason to call me back into the room.

Tonight I tucked them in, gave kisses and hugs and said prayers. As soon as I sat down I heard Owen yell for me.

I marched down the hall, swung the door open, flipped on the light (which I only did to express my annoyance. I know - immature) and growled, "WHAT!?"

Owen sweetly responded, "I just wanted to ask you to have Daddy come see me when he gets home."

I took a deep breath and explained, "Daddy won't be home for a couple of days. Now please go to sleep. Whoever calls me in here again will be disciplined. Good night."

I flipped the light back off and before I left the room Owen said, "Mama, can I give you a hug and a kiss?"

Of course I couldn't turn that down so I walked over and bent down to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me and patted my back and said, "You're a good Mama. I love you."

Talk about immediate conviction! My son loves me and responded kindly to me even though I did not treat him with love and kindness. He loves me in spite of me. I'm not excusing any misbehavior, but I needed the reminder he gave by the example he set. Even when angry, respond in love. Respond with kindness. How much more effective would my corrections be if I had enough self control to be sure that I seasoned everything with grace? It wouldn't have been appropriate it and I wouldn't have let him get away with it, but it would have been understandable had he responded to me with attitude and anger. I so desperately don't want those negative responses to be a part of our family life!

Tomorrow is a new day. A new opportunity for me to do right and to be the good Mama my son already thinks I am. I want to live up to his expectations for the glory of God.

Swallowing Pride

The other day Aubrey sinned against Owen. I do not remember the details of her wrong doing. I just remember correcting her and encouraging her to apologize to her brother. He was on the couch as she stood before him with me standing by her side. She agreed to ask for forgiveness and opened her mouth and said, "Owen, I'm sor-."

She stopped mid-word, looked up at me and said, "Mama, I just can't do it."

I shouldn't be surprised by this. She's being honest. Apologizing IS hard. It requires humility. Many times I have found myself in the same position as my two year old daughter. Knowing I had sinned against someone, knowing what I had to do to make it right and yet fighting it. Why? Humbling yourself is hard! Admitting your wrong is difficult, especially when you feel that you have been wronged also.

I am trying to teach my children what Ben often reminds me: it's better to win a person than it is to win an argument. I want my children to be quick to seek forgiveness and slow to find reasons to be offended. If they know they've wronged someone, I hope they will have the boldness and character to ask for forgiveness. If they are hurt or offended, I hope they will kindly share their hurts with the other person. It's easy to assume the worst, but I want to teach my children to instead assume the best in others. Look for the good!

Proverbs 11:2 says, "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

I pray that I can model humility before my children. I hope they will learn at a young age that it is better to humble yourself before others then to stand proudly in your own defense.

And I'm happy to say that, at least on this day, Aubrey did humble herself and say, "Owen, I'm sorry." She even hugged his neck and kissed his cheek.

One of the Lies We Believe

Last night I was in bed reading Lies Women Believe (again). I was reading the chapter about lies women believe with regard to their children when I came to this lie: "I know my child is a Christian because He prayed to receive Christ." At first glance I thought to myself, "Yup! I've seen that happen. A child says the "sinner's prayer" and the parents and child hold on to that for the rest of their lives assuming the child is a Christian, whether there is fruit or not."

I taught in a Christian school for 5 years. I worked with the youth group in church ministry for a few years. I've observed my own peers move in to adulthood only to live a life that does little, if anything, to resemble the life of a true believer. And yet the parents of these kids are convinced that their, now grown, children are Christians because they recall a time in which the child said a prayer and then got baptized.

My junior year of high school I listened to one of my friends explain to me that she became a Christian when she accepted Jesus as her Savior at the age of 4. She admitted that she had very little memory of the experience - she just remembered praying with her mom. But, she said, her mom has told her over the years that because of that experience this girl was a believer. As a 17 year old girl who was a new believer myself, I remember thinking that this friend of mine didn't seem to bear any fruit of salvation. I won't go into detail about why I thought this, but I distinctly remember thinking as I listened to her talk, "How can you be so sure of your salvation? There is nothing in your life that shows any evidence of new life." But I said nothing. And now, as a 31 year old woman, this friend is not living for the Lord and shows no sign of being in Christ.

While I've always thought it unwise for a Christian parent to give their child assurance of salvation, I never before realized exactly how dangerous it is until I read it last night in Lies Women Believe.
Nancy Leigh DeMoss shares some of the things she hears Christian parents say with regard to their kids:

"My son is gay. I want him to come back to the Lord. He was saved at a young age."

"Neither of my kids live for the Lord. They accepted Christ as children, but lost it all when they went away to college."

"My 28 year old daughter used to live for God but now has denied her faith in Christ."

I, too, hear these kinds of statements and I'm sure you do as well. You see young adults living with their boyfriends or girlfriends, men and women who don't go to church, "Christians" who date unbelievers (or marry unbelievers), etc.

While I have often wondered how the parents of these young adults can be so confident that their kids are believers, I now am aware of how Satan uses their naivety to advance his purposes! Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes:

"I believe Satan blinds many parents to the true spiritual condition of their children in order to keep those children in bondage to the kindgom of darkness. The parents who are most vulnerable to this lie are those who have raised their children in the church, who have taught them right from wrong, and whose children have made some sort of profession of faith as a child or young person - they may have even had great interest in spiritual matters at one time. These parents frequently assume that because all of the above is true, their son or daughter must be a genuine Christian."

What does the Bible have to say? Look in the book of I John:

"We know that we have come to know Him if we obey his commands. The man who says, 'I know him,' but does not do what he commands is a liar and the truth is not in him."

"This is how we know we are in him: whoever claims to live in Him must walk as Jesus did . . ."

"If they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us."

"Anyone who does not do what is right is not a Child of God, nor is anyone who does not love his brother."

Only God knows anyone's heart and I'm not suggesting that we go around trying to determine who is really a believer and who is not. I only share what I read last night as a warning to parents because it is often the parent who gives assurance to their children. Why convince your adult-child he's a believer when you see no fruit? I used to think, "What harm is it for the parent to believe their child is a Christian? It doesn't change whether or not they really are - it just gives them a little peace and rest at night." But DeMosss changed my thinking when I read this:

"For parents to assume that their children have been born again when their lives give no such evidence can have several dangerous results. It can lull those children into a false sense of security about their eternal destiny. It can keep parents from praying appropriately and waging spiritual battle on behalf of their children's souls. It gives rise to a form of "cheap grace" that demeans the person and blood of Christ. It fills our church pews with members who think they are OK. They believe this even though they have no relationship with Christ and their lives are blaspheming the Word of God and causing the world to wonder about what Christianity really is.

It is certainly possible for those who have been truly converted to disobey God or to have a period of backsliding. But no true believer can sin willfully and habitually without experiencing the conviction of God's Spirit.

The Truth is, no matter how house-trained a son or a daughter may be in spiritual matters, no matter how fervent they may have appeared to be at one time, if they do not have any heart or hunger for God, if they have a consistent pattern of rejecting the Word and ways of God, they need to be challenged to reconsider whether they were ever really convereted in the first place."

"The essence of true salvation is not a matter of profession or performance; rather it is a TRANSFORMATION" (emphasis mine)

19 Kids & Counting

Last night I had the privilege of seeing the Duggar family live at Southeast Christian Church here in Louisville, Kentucky. They are the stars of the reality T.V. Show 19 Kids & Counting. I can't say I've seen very many episodes of their show but I have read their book The Duggars: 20 and Counting! I have been nothing but impressed by this family. Here are a few things about this family that impress me:
- They have 19 kids and the mother, Michelle, gave birth to each one of them.
- Each child has a name that starts with the letter 'J'
- They live debt free. They even paid cash for their home.
- Each of their children can play the violin and the piano once they turn 4 years of age.
- All of the girls can play the harp.
- All of the children are home schooled.
- The kids have a reputation for being mature and respectful.
- The oldest of their kids own their own business selling cars. They started this business at 18 and 19 years of age. That's maturity!
- Their home only has 3 bedrooms. The girls all share and the boys all share.
- They do not watch T.V. (they don't even watch their own T.V. show until it's on DVD)
- Although they have so many children I believe they spend more quality time with their kids than most families with two children.
- They run a tight ship. Their home is a place of order and harmony. Every child is a vital part of what makes the family successful and what makes the house run smoothly. They all have a role to play!

While there are many things I admire about this family there were two things that stuck out to me last night as I listened to them speak. If you've ever heard Michelle speak you'll know exactly what I mean when I say she is "sweet." I cannot think of a better word to describe her. Her volume, her tone - everything about her communication is just . . . sweet. Her husband commented on it several times. He said that her sweet and gentle spirit is an important part of their home. She does not yell. She is not short tempered or sarcastic. She is just sweet. And it's obvious her family adores her.
The other thing stood out to me was the importance the family places on prayer. They faithfully pray for their children and their marriage. Two things Mrs. Duggar specifically prays for her children is that they would 1). Fear God and 2.) be protected by God from the enemy.
I am challenged today to guard my speech and communicate lovingly to my children. I am also committed to faithfully praying more regularly for my kids. My children NEED me to intercede on their behalf. If I don't, who will?
Regardless of what our culture says, children are a blessing and they are a gift from God. I am thankful the Duggar family reminded of this.

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar look on as 15 of their of their children sing and play instruments
They all play the violin

Unfortunately I didn't have my book with me to get their signature

Michelle and Jim Bob share their faith and family values

Do you recognize this guy? I don't remember his name but he's from TLC. They were filming last night and plan to incorporate the Duggar's trip to Louisville in to one of their episodes.

The family sat around this circle signing their book

One of the Duggar boys

Two of the Duggar girls and a couple boys

Another son

Jim Bob and Michelle with their second to youngest child

Granting Grace and Forgiveness

I am constantly instructing. My days are spent reading, correcting, teaching and playing with my children. It can be exhausting on those days where a particular little boy insists on whining and disobeying. Every mother knows what I am talking about. You can give a crystal clear command and know that your child understands only to have that child not follow through with the command and then become an emotional mess when the consequence comes. And I wonder, "Every time he does this particular thing, he knows what is going to happen. He knows he will be disciplined. Why does he do it anyway?" And then I am reminded of how often I do the same thing. I know what God's Word says about a particular thing and yet I disobey. And then I get upset when faced with the natural consequences of my actions. My Heavenly Father is so patient with me and patient I must be with my own son.

Yesterday Owen got out of bed after I tucked him in. I have very little tolerance for this. It is direct disobedience and he knows it. Last night I had less tolerance and less patience than normal. He first said he needed a drink, then he wanted his sheet off. He knows that once he is put into bed he may not get out for any reason so I did not let him have a drink nor did I fix his sheet. Still, a few minutes later, the door opened and I snapped, "Get back into bed!!!" His mouth dropped (he is not accustomed to being spoken to harshly) and he immediately ran back to his bed where he began to loudly cry. My children share a room and even though Aubrey normally sleeps through Owen's noises I was upset because Owen knows not to make loud noises when Aubrey is sleeping. So I marched into the room, grabbed Owen and brought him back to the living room. It only took me that short walk to realize that I was wrong for being so angry. I sat Owen down and decided I should not discipline him because I was so emotionally charged. I calmly explained to him how wrong it was for him to choose to get out of bed after he was put into bed. He wrapped his arms around my neck and through tears he said, "I'm so sorry, Mommy! I'm sorry for my bad attitude." That single statement in that single moment pierced me with conviction. Owen did not have a bad attitude. He was being disobedient and making wrong choices. The one with the bad attitude was ME! He was doing what sinners do. And though he needed to be corrected and disciplined I was also in sin by the way I responded. I hugged him back and told him that I was wrong. I asked him to forgive me for my attitude and my impatience. He completely understood and told me he forgave me. Even this morning he recalled last night's events and told me how he disobeyed and how I "yelled." (I didn't yell, but I did speak harshly. To him, it's all the same).

I'm thankful for the grace that God extends to me. I need it every single day. And today I'm focusing on extending that grace to others as well, even those in my family.